Experience-"Patrick's Adventures Through the Looking Glass, and What He Didn't Find There"

            Viewing oneself through two artificial mediums (the reflection of a mirror, as filtered through the digital lens of a webcam) is somewhat unnerving.  Especially with eyes closed, as if sleeping and unaware.  When I look at myself in a mirror, I mostly lock eyes with my reflection, focusing on that part.  I’m not sure if I’m just vein (I’m often complimented on my eyes), or if it’s a simple part of human nature—“look me in the eye when I’m talking to you!”  We rely on eye contact to make connections, to feel as though we’re being paid proper respect and attention, even by ourselves in the mirror.  Sure, I give the rest of my features a glance, just like everyone else, checking for blemishes, a lack of symmetry from one matching feature to the next (“Is one of my nostrils larger than the other!?!?!!!?”), but it always comes back to eye contact within a few seconds, as if to reassure or chastise myself with regards to the offending or flattering features.  With eyes closed that’s much harder to do—especially if you aren’t recording it!

            With eyes closed, there isn’t another pair of eyes to lock onto.  Even in pictures, photographs of oneself or others we (or at least I) tend to first lock eyes with the photograph.  Then examine the rest of the photo for extra clues about this person, even if it’s just I.  Without the connection of the eyes, ones vision drifts more freely, picking up a more even canvas of the physical presence in question.  I did find myself drawn to the subtle indications of breathing, however, a subtle reminder of consciousness (the breathing is slower and less labored in a sleeping individual).  I noticed the play of light across my face more, shifting, filtered through atmosphere, branches, window pane and blinds, and the subtle way it altered the perception of my features.  I also noticed from day to day a shift in color, flushed, drained, etc.  Again, all very subtle, but when you don’t have the eyes to lock onto you pick up more of the whole.  But somehow, less of the person.

            I didn’t feel much of a connection with myself in these videos.  I was detached, thrice removed by webcam, mirror, and closed eyes.  Yes, I noticed more physical features, the way my body would subtly sway and shift, but it was all very distant, sterile.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if you don’t believe it, just try observing yourself in this manner.  You might be surprised at how foreign the person in the mirror (through the webcam) seems. 

Experience-"Time is a gift, precious and rare..."

            Doing nothing you enjoy can be really frickin’ miserable.  It can also be kind of freeing, interesting, and fun.  Thankfully, most of the TV shows I watch (which is not an unreasonable number, but is more than it should be) are under 30 minutes, but limiting myself to one a day was a little difficult.  Not exactly Sophie’s Choice, but still hard deciding which exact one I was most interested in watching that day, since I only had one shot at it.

            Masturbation was also a little difficult.  I usually like to take my time, really get into it.  Not just whack-n-go.  I can roll with 30 minutes when need be, but I’m totally the kind of guy who likes to just luxuriate in self pleasure for an hour, or even two.

            Eating wasn’t hard.  I enjoy eating, but I don’t usually have time to sit down to some long, drawn out meal either.

            Pretty much all our video game consoles are broken, and I just don’t play that many to begin with, so that was easy.

            The hard bit was not reading, as I’m currently in the process of reading like 3 books (Yes, Brad, one of them is Imajica).  I’m not a quick reader, and even if I were, less than 2 hours of enjoyment-reading just seems like a waste.

            The experience wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t particularly hard.  I learned something I already knew, but is nice to learn and relearn from time to time.  Sitting in front of the TV vegging out, or doing any activity where you just unplug from society and day-to-day issues (yes, this includes logging on to the internet.  Virtual society only goes so far with regard to legitimate social interactions.  Also, physical activities, like being a constant gym bunny) isn’t healthy or cathartic.  It can be healing and rejuvenating to take a day, every so often (measured in months, not days or weeks) to just unplug, refresh, and just enjoy being unplugged.  However, it can also be an alluring trap you don’t even realize you’re stuck in until years, perhaps the majority of a lifetime have passed by.  Like Eddie Munster in the Phantom Tollbooth, stuck in the doldrums.  It can be relaxing to not have to care, not have to worry about your life, or the lives of others, just sit back and relax, forever.  You may even be able to convince yourself you ‘need’ it, that it’s good for you, but if you’re not careful?  It will swallow you whole.

Experience-"All Rise"

            Didn’t actually get to this one until today.  They don’t hold court everyday, so I kind of had to wait for them to hold the next trial.  There were three to choose from, two criminal (one of which I was too late for) and one civil.  I chose the civil, because it seemed like it’d be more interested (though I’m sure that’s just my personal preference).  The case was apparently the second in a potential series.  The Plaintiff (a satellite television company) sued a man for something regarding ‘cards’ used with their service.  The judge and lawyer didn’t go into great detail, having both already discussed the case previously, but I was able to glean from a combination of what they said, and my own personal knowledge that the man had been effectively stealing cable by altering access cards to the satellite network’s encrypted stream. Piracy.  The whole thing was cut a little short, however, by the fact the defendant didn’t show up to court.  I’m not sure why, it wasn’t really discussed.  I was impressed, however, with how professional everything still went, even with the lack of a defendant.  Honestly, I was impressed with the whole affair.

            Firstly, when I walk into the actual courtroom it’s just a beautifully designed room.  It’s an older building, as many courthouses are, or at least designed to appear, and had some simple, yet classy wood paneling along the walls.  There were high windows, and multiple chandeliers.  It was all very much like a movie set from some 1940s courtroom drama.  I kept expecting Jimmy Stewart to burst in demanding something or other.  However, unlike a movie from the 40s, the courtroom was also full of electronic equipment.  Several computer monitors sat on the desks of the defendant’s side, the plaintiff’s side, and the … whoever that woman who sits under the judge is (not the stenographer).  Additionally, there were little microscope like devices I can only assume are used to highlight specific paragraphs, sentences, words, and dates of individual documents in cooperation with all the monitors.  The combination of modern technology and old aesthetics was really, truly beautiful.

            Second, I was deeply impressed with the judge.  When the defendant didn’t show up, I half espected this to just be a case of “Oh, well, pretty much whatever the plaintiff wants then, since I guess Mr. Smith didn’t want to show up,” but it wasn’t in the slightest.  The judge actually argued over wording, making sure that this case would not determine any future rulings, both because of a lack of fairness to the defendant, as well as a concern for overstepping jurisdiction and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.

            I don’t know if justice was served, but it sure was fun to watch.

Experience-Virtual Chastity

                This … this one was a bit hard to wrap my head around.  Even after brad explained the general concept to me, it was still a bit tricky.  Basically, the idea was to observe someone who isn’t quite themselves online, i.e. virtual reality, or at least not the self they claim to be (or more accurately, we experience them as) in day-to-day ‘actual’ reality.  Now, numerous studies have been done on the subject, and revealed a startling trend.  Most people online will actually say and do things they would never be caught doing in actual reality.  The rules of morality are somehow more flexible online.  Due to anonymity (or as I like to think of it, The Invisible Man Effect), people don’t feel as strictly bound by a generally agreed upon code of conduct (i.e. common courtesy).  They also don’t feel as empathetic towards others due to the dehumanizing nature of the internet.  We have no face, no vocal inflection, no pheromones to communicate with.  Only pure thought, in two-dimensional words.

                Take Brad, for instance.  Brad and I actually met online, and we have since become good friends.  Brad, however, is a dick online (and to varying degrees in real life, but I digress), to the point I almost didn’t actually go to hang out with him that first night we were chatting.  I did, and wound up really enjoying our interactions, and saw other sides to him.  His online persona is a mere fraction of his real-life one, and one he rarely comes close to emulating during face-to-face interactions.  Where he would tell someone online to fuck off, he would perhaps try and make peace or come to some understanding face to face.  And to varying degrees, this is something we all do.

                I find I can be more assertive and domineering online, whereas away from the computer I generally give way or make more generous concessions.  On sites (forums and such) where one uses an avatar as their “face,” it’s like wearing a mask.  Even on social media such as facebook, MySpace, etc. where (presumably) one uses their own images as identifiers, there’s less pressure of “is this person gonna like me,”  “Will they think that comment was funny,” “Did I remember to brush my teeth?”  Because even if they don’t, or you weren’t, or you didn’t, it’s not ‘real,’ so it ultimately doesn’t matter.

                Unfortunately, it is real, and it does matter.  Words, even online words, can hurt deeply, and result in some very serious ‘real life’ consequences.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Vicarious

Objective - Practice romantic friendship
Duration - 4 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Observe two individuals in a committed relationship.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Social

Objective - Refrain from distractions
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Other than this blog, do not communicate with anyone, for any reason, online.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Spiritual

Objective - Embracing moral wholesomeness
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Do not tell a lie in any form or fashion.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Physical

Objective - Cleanliness maintained by refraining from intoxicants.
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Consume no alcohol or other substances (including illegal drugs, caffeine, nicotine, etc...)

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Mental

Objective - Purity of thought through education.
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Graphically redesign this blog to reflect you expectations of the upcoming year and generally familiarize yourself with all Blogspot functionality.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Emotional

Objective - Honesty with one's family.
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Have a meaningful and interactive conversation with your father regarding the relationship (or lack thereof) that you have with him.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Virtual

Objective - Refrain from temptation
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Comment upon someone you know who skirts the strictest rules of temptation (online), but only slightly.

Explanation of the 7 Virtues and & 7 Sins

Excerpted from Wikipedia, 7 Virtues and 7 Sins:

This is just a brief list of each virtue and it's attributes, and the associated sin (assuming opposing attributes). Please refer to the Wikipedia links above for more information.

Each item is listed as (Virtue - attributes - Sin).

• Chastity - purity, knowledge, honesty, wisdom - Lust
• Temperance - self-control, justice, honor, abstention - Gluttony
• Charity - will, benevolence, generosity, sacrifice - Greed
• Diligence - persistence, effort, ethics, rectitude - Sloth
• Patience - peace, mercy, ahimsa, sufferance - Wrath
• Kindness - satisfaction, loyalty, compassion, integrity - Envy
• Humility - bravery, modesty, reverence, altruism - Pride