Experience-"Patrick's Adventures Through the Looking Glass, and What He Didn't Find There"

            Viewing oneself through two artificial mediums (the reflection of a mirror, as filtered through the digital lens of a webcam) is somewhat unnerving.  Especially with eyes closed, as if sleeping and unaware.  When I look at myself in a mirror, I mostly lock eyes with my reflection, focusing on that part.  I’m not sure if I’m just vein (I’m often complimented on my eyes), or if it’s a simple part of human nature—“look me in the eye when I’m talking to you!”  We rely on eye contact to make connections, to feel as though we’re being paid proper respect and attention, even by ourselves in the mirror.  Sure, I give the rest of my features a glance, just like everyone else, checking for blemishes, a lack of symmetry from one matching feature to the next (“Is one of my nostrils larger than the other!?!?!!!?”), but it always comes back to eye contact within a few seconds, as if to reassure or chastise myself with regards to the offending or flattering features.  With eyes closed that’s much harder to do—especially if you aren’t recording it!

            With eyes closed, there isn’t another pair of eyes to lock onto.  Even in pictures, photographs of oneself or others we (or at least I) tend to first lock eyes with the photograph.  Then examine the rest of the photo for extra clues about this person, even if it’s just I.  Without the connection of the eyes, ones vision drifts more freely, picking up a more even canvas of the physical presence in question.  I did find myself drawn to the subtle indications of breathing, however, a subtle reminder of consciousness (the breathing is slower and less labored in a sleeping individual).  I noticed the play of light across my face more, shifting, filtered through atmosphere, branches, window pane and blinds, and the subtle way it altered the perception of my features.  I also noticed from day to day a shift in color, flushed, drained, etc.  Again, all very subtle, but when you don’t have the eyes to lock onto you pick up more of the whole.  But somehow, less of the person.

            I didn’t feel much of a connection with myself in these videos.  I was detached, thrice removed by webcam, mirror, and closed eyes.  Yes, I noticed more physical features, the way my body would subtly sway and shift, but it was all very distant, sterile.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if you don’t believe it, just try observing yourself in this manner.  You might be surprised at how foreign the person in the mirror (through the webcam) seems.