Experience-"Wire in the Blood"

http://patricksexpandingexperiences.blogspot.com/2011/02/assignment-gluttony-week-6-virtual.html

I didn't get to this one.  Logged on to a Narcotics Anon. chat, but not much was going on.  I may give it another go tomorrow evening, however.

Experience-"And eat, and eat, and eat, and eat, and eat until I die!"

            It’s no secret to anyone who knows me (or has seen me) that I’ve struggled with obesity myself, and to a 130 pound-lesser degree still do.  The bridge between ones personal relationship with obesity and the medical field’s professional objectivity (some might say ‘distance’) can be a vast one, depending on the stage of acknowledgement.  Obesity—like its sister disorders anorexia and bulimia—is just as much a mental disease as it is a physical ailment.  Unlike Anorexia/Bulimia*, where many people feel sorry for the individual, feel they are a victim of societal pressures, those suffering from obesity are usually seen as bringing these issues upon themselves, sinners (specifically, Gluttons), or deserving of their disorder.  After all, the problem is a simple fix, right?  Just put the burger down, and get up off your ass!

            When discussing obesity with obese individuals one gets a wide array of feelings.  Some don’t seem themselves as obese, they’re just ‘a little pudgy,’ ‘big boned,’ or ‘have a glandular problem.  A sort of denial.  The morbidly obese, however, generally can’t escape the issue, but still choose not to address it, which makes it hard to actually address the issue of being overweight with those who are overweight.  An issue the medical field of psychology addresses.

            Psychology tells us that people are most often obese due to an issue of avoidance.  Some emotional trauma they either don’t want to deal with, or feel food is the only way to deal with it.  They will either use food to make themselves feel full, pushing away all other feelings (especially emotional emptiness) and people, creating a literally thicker physical armor, or abuse food because they feel it’s the only thing they can actually control in their life (similar to cutters, who take charge and control of the pain letting it out on THEIR terms).

            Still others focus predominantly on the physical nature of the condition, such as dietitians, physical therapists, and the vast majority of physicians.  To them, the condition is physical, and if you get the physical condition in line the mental will follow—something I personally feel is ass-fucking-backwards.  More and more are beginning to realize this doesn’t work, and people tend to just backslide if the underlying emotional issues aren’t met.  Sadly, the obese play into this themselves.

            Many obese people—if they choose to take any action—go to the gym, but not the psychiatrist or psychologist.  They choose to focus on the physical nature of their condition, avoiding the emotional element.  Avoiding in a new way, perhaps a physically healthier way, but still avoiding.

*To be clear, I am well aware of the stigma placed on Anorexics and Bulimics (“Just eat a damn cheeseburger!”), and don’t mean to undercut that very serious issue in any way.  However, this post isn’t about that, and as a generalization I find my observations to hold fairly true even if only in the broadest sense.

Experience-"'Yertle the Turtle,' No Longer the Authority on Turtle Stacking"

http://patricksexpandingexperiences.blogspot.com/2011/02/assignment-gluttony-week-6-mental.html

Experince experienced, will be posted tomorrow evening.

Experience-"Glutton for Punishment"

            Catholic Mass.  What can I say about Catholic Mass?  Well, it’s pretty overindulgent all on its own, for starters.  I’ve experienced a number of religious ceremonies (Southern Baptist, Wiccan, Jewish, Episcopalian, and a few others), none of them are quite as rigid and overly indulgent (again, in my opinion) as the Catholic tradition.  It honestly wouldn’t have bothered me half as much if the congregation seemed to at all be involved, or passionate about the spectacle.  Instead they simply mouthed along, saying the right words at the right time without any feeling, just waiting to get through it, to take communion, and then get the fuck out.  At least the Priest seemed legitimately to feel the spirit of his sermon.  It also seemed to borrow heavily from other religions.

            There’s the most obvious, which is the Jewish tradition (of which I’m pretty familiar) in which there are many sacred items presented in a very similar way as the catholic tradition, right down to the presentation of the Torah (or Bible, in the case of the Catholic Church) to the congregation, paraded about and treated as though its physical embodiment is itself holy.  This is pretty common amongst most religious ceremonies, sacred texts.  But the way in which it was presented struck me as startlingly similar.  Then there were all the pagan rites, which was probably the most interesting aspect for me.  Watching a bunch of people practice magic without (for the most part) even fully realizing what’s what they’re doing.  I’m going off a bit on a tangent here, and a slightly incoherent one at that, so I’ll wrap this bit up.

            One of the things I loved the most about most religious services was the community, the way the congregation gathered together in support of one another (even if it was just to support one another in continuing to be closed minded bigots).  The Catholic service, or perhaps just THIS Catholic service, however did not encourage that.  There was a single moment in the sermon in which we were supposed to turn and greet the people next to us, but it wasn’t from the heart.  We were given a script, “Peace be with you.”  We weren’t even forced to try and fake something of our own creation.

            At the very least, the actual sermon was beautiful, as was the setting.  It will never be a religion I understand, or consider myself part of, but I did appreciate the experience.

Experience-"Something clever about Butterflies"

            Spending two hours, on two different days, in five separate locations each day where there will be about fifty-plus people isn’t as easy as it sounds.  Or at least not for me.  For starters, I tend to avoid crowds.  They make me feel claustrophobic and panic-attack-y, so I had to put in a bit of extra effort to think about where I should even go to fulfill this one.  Some places were easy, like the Grocery store or Work, places I pretty much have to go anyway, other places were required in separate assignments (Church, for instance), and others didn’t pan out the way I thought (like the oyster experience, maybe five people in the whole establishment).

            One of the more productive outings actually didn’t even happen in a space with fifty or more people, but just on a regular run down to the small grocery shop down the road.  I got to talking with the cashier girl, Hailey, and we hit it off, more than the polite conversations I’ve had with her (and her boyfriend) in the past.  We exchanged information (facebook, specifically, and I know how much Brad LOVES facebook), and made tentative plans to hang out at Trivia night at one of the local bars.  She didn’t show, possibly because she forgot, personal reasons, or something, or possibly because I didn’t know going in that the bar was a ‘members’ bar only, and she literally COULDN’T get in.  Either way, it was nice to talk to a somewhat new person, and make plans.

            Going to Church didn’t work out as well as I’d thought it would, sadly.  At least not for this assignment.  There were plenty of people, but Catholic church isn’t really like the church I’ve been to in the past.  It’s much more regimented, and far less social.  People seemed to be there to get in, get their penance, and get the hell out.  Not exactly conducive to chatting.  But oh well.

            Mostly this one just lead to me being more comfortable talking and socializing with strangers in other settings, like today in my new class, I actually talked with the girl next to me quite a bit, and we even hit the lunch room together.  A relationship I might actually pursue, at the very least for the duration of the class.  It feels good to be able to converse with total strangers again.  I haven’t’ felt this free to just talk with people since I was very, very young.  I really hope it’s a sign of things to come, and I’m going to do my damndest to ensure that it is.

Experience-"Cause in a musical, nothing dreadful ever happens."

            I’ll be honest.  I didn’t get through these in one sitting.  I managed to make it through ‘Dancer in the Dark’ and ‘Requiem for a Dream’ with only a 20-30 minute break between, but I was NOT able to watch the next one until a couple days later.  Partly because we had company come over, and were busy entertaining (or at least trying to entertain), but mostly because ‘Requiem’ was so upsetting I was too emotionally shaken up to continue on.  I’d never heard of ‘Gods and Monsters’ before, had no idea what it was about, and didn’t trust Brad at this point enough not to have picked something even more terrible (though beautiful and brilliant) than ‘Requiem.’  After talking with Brad, however, I was able to sit down and give ‘Gods’ a go.

            ‘Dancer’ is probably most upsetting less for its story (though it is a genuinely tragic tale) than for the disjointed, discordance produced by the film’s juxtaposition of a deeply emotional indie-tragedy, and the lighthearted buoyancy of bubbly Bjork-pop musical numbers. I cried considerably during the musical number after the film’s first death, as the main character tries to deal with what’s going on, and then even more during the incarceration, where music and rhythm are completely absent, leaving the protagonist without any coping mechanism, and the audience without any escape from the bleak reality of her situation.  By the films closing number, literally a counting of steps to the gallows I was mostly numb, though trembling slightly with anxiety for the scene to come.  And finally, weeping openly once more at the last song—a purely vocal performance, without any of the elaborate musical number trappings.

            ‘Requiem’ was a film I’d only heard of in passing, and never in great detail.  Mostly what I’d heard was that it was difficult to follow, and severely difficult to digest.  I found both to be untrue; it was a very straight forward film quite easy to follow.  The only indigestion it gave was from the unflinching reality of drug addiction, celebrity worship, and stigmatism of psychosis so omnipresent in our post-modern culture.  I don’t remember crying at this one, but it did leave me feeling empty, hollow in a most upsetting way.

            Oddly enough, of all the films—each of which I felt with some personal attachment—‘Gods’ was the one that affected me the most.  I just wept through the last 5-10 minutes of the film uncontrollably.  I don’t know if it’s the subject (an aging gay man, hoping for one last shadow of love and affection), the fact the protagonist also happens to be a director (a profession I’m keenly interested in persuing), or just the riveting performance.  For whatever reason, this film left the deepest impact.  Yet unlike the other two films, ‘Gods’ left me feeling optimistic rather than hollow and alone.

Experience-"The Time has Come, the Walrus Said..."

            Gross.  So gross.  Hate you Brad, oh my god so gross!  This…even before going into it, just…so gross.  Even the thought of it was just beyond disgusting, and the actuality of it somehow managed to be worse.  The roommate and I decided to make a day of it, hitting the comic shop up in the afternoon (aside:  Got you something, Brad), then heading over to a local grill—which by the way, one of the most beautiful dining rooms I’ve ever seen in a place so reasonably priced and centrally located—where we knew they served the “delicacies,” followed by drinks and a movie at a local Cinema/Bar where we drank beer, ate onion rings, and watched one of the most amazingly terrible pieces of cinematic abortions to be green-lit, ‘Burlesque.’  Seriously, the film may have actually been harder to sit through than the 10 damn oysters.

            Anyway, we get there and the place is empty—to be fair, we got there five minutes after it opened—and take our seat at one of the tables in the ‘sports bar’ styled area.  It was a little cutesy/kitsch for my taste, but the view of the main dining room was so gorgeous I didn’t care.  Roomie and I both agreed this was a place we’d have to come back to later with our meat-eating friends (only two vegetarian friendly options on the menu, none vegan, and both were starters/salads), and we could just order deserts and liquor.  And this is where all the pleasantness of the experience stops.

            The waitress comes up, very friendly and sweet, to see if we know what we want, we don’t, but I’ve already noticed the specials board.  We came on the perfect night, apparently, as Wednesday was their oyster special, ½ of an order of 6 or 12.  I inform her I’ll need a few minutes but know I’d like an order of 12 oysters, raw.  She brings them out, and I have to just stare at them for a good 2-3 minutes before I can muster up the courage to actually try one of the slimy little bastards.  Using the little fork, I pull one off its half-shell, and pop it in my mouth.  I didn’t instantly start gagging, but the texture, flavor, sight, sound, and smell of it all made my stomach start flipping.  Add to that the fact I haven’t had animal-based protein in almost a year, and my stomach was not a happy camper.  I only managed to get through the other 9 with ample use of the horseradish, red sauce, and crackers, and an order of double Jameson neat from the bar.

            The whole experience was unpleasant and somewhat embarrassing.  I can only imagine what the other patrons/staff thought as I grimaced my way through 10 of the little buggers.  But I did it—something Brad admits he hasn’t even done.  Now, may I never again suffer through such a gastronomic torture.

Experience-"You are, you are, you aaare, UN-FORGIVEN!"

            Surprise, surprise.  I failed to complete “social.”  Truly shocking, I know.  I know I’m getting better, 6 out of 7.  But this one was just…I’m still trying to figure out how to approach these assignments, as so many of them (esp. social ones) are so foreign to me.  I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around how I was supposed to start.  Just walk up to someone and be all, “You need forgiveness?”  Then watch as they awkwardly back away, and around the corner.  Which wouldn’t bother me, really, except that it wouldn’t help me complete the assignment either.  I kept an ear open at work, hoping someone would fuck something up, so I could console and forgive them.  But alas, to no avail.  I contemplated posting a listing on Craigslist “FREE FORGIVENESS:  You tell me what you feel sorry about, and I’ll forgive you!” but I couldn’t decide where exactly it needed to go (considering their “free stuff” section specifically says ‘Nothing incorporeal’).  Oh well, maybe social will go better this week.

            Also?  10 points to whomever gets the title reference.  Hint:  It's song lyrics.

Experience-"Patrick's Adventures Through the Looking Glass, and What He Didn't Find There"

            Viewing oneself through two artificial mediums (the reflection of a mirror, as filtered through the digital lens of a webcam) is somewhat unnerving.  Especially with eyes closed, as if sleeping and unaware.  When I look at myself in a mirror, I mostly lock eyes with my reflection, focusing on that part.  I’m not sure if I’m just vein (I’m often complimented on my eyes), or if it’s a simple part of human nature—“look me in the eye when I’m talking to you!”  We rely on eye contact to make connections, to feel as though we’re being paid proper respect and attention, even by ourselves in the mirror.  Sure, I give the rest of my features a glance, just like everyone else, checking for blemishes, a lack of symmetry from one matching feature to the next (“Is one of my nostrils larger than the other!?!?!!!?”), but it always comes back to eye contact within a few seconds, as if to reassure or chastise myself with regards to the offending or flattering features.  With eyes closed that’s much harder to do—especially if you aren’t recording it!

            With eyes closed, there isn’t another pair of eyes to lock onto.  Even in pictures, photographs of oneself or others we (or at least I) tend to first lock eyes with the photograph.  Then examine the rest of the photo for extra clues about this person, even if it’s just I.  Without the connection of the eyes, ones vision drifts more freely, picking up a more even canvas of the physical presence in question.  I did find myself drawn to the subtle indications of breathing, however, a subtle reminder of consciousness (the breathing is slower and less labored in a sleeping individual).  I noticed the play of light across my face more, shifting, filtered through atmosphere, branches, window pane and blinds, and the subtle way it altered the perception of my features.  I also noticed from day to day a shift in color, flushed, drained, etc.  Again, all very subtle, but when you don’t have the eyes to lock onto you pick up more of the whole.  But somehow, less of the person.

            I didn’t feel much of a connection with myself in these videos.  I was detached, thrice removed by webcam, mirror, and closed eyes.  Yes, I noticed more physical features, the way my body would subtly sway and shift, but it was all very distant, sterile.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if you don’t believe it, just try observing yourself in this manner.  You might be surprised at how foreign the person in the mirror (through the webcam) seems. 

Experience-"Time is a gift, precious and rare..."

            Doing nothing you enjoy can be really frickin’ miserable.  It can also be kind of freeing, interesting, and fun.  Thankfully, most of the TV shows I watch (which is not an unreasonable number, but is more than it should be) are under 30 minutes, but limiting myself to one a day was a little difficult.  Not exactly Sophie’s Choice, but still hard deciding which exact one I was most interested in watching that day, since I only had one shot at it.

            Masturbation was also a little difficult.  I usually like to take my time, really get into it.  Not just whack-n-go.  I can roll with 30 minutes when need be, but I’m totally the kind of guy who likes to just luxuriate in self pleasure for an hour, or even two.

            Eating wasn’t hard.  I enjoy eating, but I don’t usually have time to sit down to some long, drawn out meal either.

            Pretty much all our video game consoles are broken, and I just don’t play that many to begin with, so that was easy.

            The hard bit was not reading, as I’m currently in the process of reading like 3 books (Yes, Brad, one of them is Imajica).  I’m not a quick reader, and even if I were, less than 2 hours of enjoyment-reading just seems like a waste.

            The experience wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t particularly hard.  I learned something I already knew, but is nice to learn and relearn from time to time.  Sitting in front of the TV vegging out, or doing any activity where you just unplug from society and day-to-day issues (yes, this includes logging on to the internet.  Virtual society only goes so far with regard to legitimate social interactions.  Also, physical activities, like being a constant gym bunny) isn’t healthy or cathartic.  It can be healing and rejuvenating to take a day, every so often (measured in months, not days or weeks) to just unplug, refresh, and just enjoy being unplugged.  However, it can also be an alluring trap you don’t even realize you’re stuck in until years, perhaps the majority of a lifetime have passed by.  Like Eddie Munster in the Phantom Tollbooth, stuck in the doldrums.  It can be relaxing to not have to care, not have to worry about your life, or the lives of others, just sit back and relax, forever.  You may even be able to convince yourself you ‘need’ it, that it’s good for you, but if you’re not careful?  It will swallow you whole.

Experience-"All Rise"

            Didn’t actually get to this one until today.  They don’t hold court everyday, so I kind of had to wait for them to hold the next trial.  There were three to choose from, two criminal (one of which I was too late for) and one civil.  I chose the civil, because it seemed like it’d be more interested (though I’m sure that’s just my personal preference).  The case was apparently the second in a potential series.  The Plaintiff (a satellite television company) sued a man for something regarding ‘cards’ used with their service.  The judge and lawyer didn’t go into great detail, having both already discussed the case previously, but I was able to glean from a combination of what they said, and my own personal knowledge that the man had been effectively stealing cable by altering access cards to the satellite network’s encrypted stream. Piracy.  The whole thing was cut a little short, however, by the fact the defendant didn’t show up to court.  I’m not sure why, it wasn’t really discussed.  I was impressed, however, with how professional everything still went, even with the lack of a defendant.  Honestly, I was impressed with the whole affair.

            Firstly, when I walk into the actual courtroom it’s just a beautifully designed room.  It’s an older building, as many courthouses are, or at least designed to appear, and had some simple, yet classy wood paneling along the walls.  There were high windows, and multiple chandeliers.  It was all very much like a movie set from some 1940s courtroom drama.  I kept expecting Jimmy Stewart to burst in demanding something or other.  However, unlike a movie from the 40s, the courtroom was also full of electronic equipment.  Several computer monitors sat on the desks of the defendant’s side, the plaintiff’s side, and the … whoever that woman who sits under the judge is (not the stenographer).  Additionally, there were little microscope like devices I can only assume are used to highlight specific paragraphs, sentences, words, and dates of individual documents in cooperation with all the monitors.  The combination of modern technology and old aesthetics was really, truly beautiful.

            Second, I was deeply impressed with the judge.  When the defendant didn’t show up, I half espected this to just be a case of “Oh, well, pretty much whatever the plaintiff wants then, since I guess Mr. Smith didn’t want to show up,” but it wasn’t in the slightest.  The judge actually argued over wording, making sure that this case would not determine any future rulings, both because of a lack of fairness to the defendant, as well as a concern for overstepping jurisdiction and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.

            I don’t know if justice was served, but it sure was fun to watch.

Experience-"Honor? Hah! He doesn't HAVE any 'honor'!"

            Rory has been married for more than twice the required time limit, and had a bit of difficulty remembering a time she had to defend her husbands ‘honor.’  Defend HIM, as a human being, both physically and emotionally, from both the world and himself, sure.  Not so much his honor.  We discussed how she had cut people out of her life in defense of his honor, people who at one point she regarded as family, but proved to be back stabbers, and betrayers.  One, a high school friend of hers, the other a man her husband regarded (and possibly still regards, in some aspects) as a younger brother.  Both, however, had taken information gleaned from their privileged vantage point over the couple’s lives to gossip, and betray.  Her husband took a fairly passive stance, perhaps too shocked from the betrayal to truly accept it, for whatever reason, but Rory made her stance firm.  She cut these people from her life, because she would not have her husband’s name dragged through the mud just because they felt it would help them advance their careers and/or personal lives.

            Perhaps more to the point, she mentioned a time before they were actually married, back when they were in high school together, when another girl came up to her and began to spin a number of tales about him.  She was basically trying to make sure Rory knew his had ‘a past’ and was with many women.  This was not news, they lived in a very small town, and Rory politely put the young woman in her place by stating not only did she know this, but she also knew he was faithful to her.  He may have slept around as an unattached bachelor, but he would not do that to a woman he actually loved.  Though here, I think she was defending herself as much as him, heh.

            The concept of “honor” is a somewhat foreign one in our modern times.  The definition of honor is “the evaluation of a person's social status as judged by that individual's community.”  The lines get blurred because we’re such a multicultural society, and within that we’re further divided by our multiple communities.  There’s the community we live in, the one we work in, our online community, etc., and each has its own set of rules, codes, and ideals one must live up to in order to be “honorable.”  Rory herself had a difficult with the concept, struggling to think of just what constituted “honor” and how one could defend another’s.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Virtual

Objective - Explore the inability to partake in moderation
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find a chat room online that is specifically for Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or a similar organization, and participate in a discussion about the inability to partake in moderation and the outcomes of such behavior.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Vicarious

Objective - Explore the need for physical gluttony
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Talk to someone who is morbidly obese about their inability to control their eating habits. Then, talk to someone in the health care industry about the same. Discuss the differences in these viewpoints.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Social

Objective - Social butterfly
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Spend 2 hours on 2 different occasions divided among 3 separate locations (the time does not have to be divided equally among each location) where there are at least 30 or more people gathered. Strike up a conversation with at least 3 strangers at each location. Attempt to get contact information to talk, email, hangout, or otherwise interact with those people at a future time.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Spiritual

Objective - Over-indulgence
Duration - 5 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Attend a religious ceremony for at least five different religions.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Physical

Objective - The eating of delicacies
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Consume 10 raw oysters during a meal with others at a public place.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Mental

Objective - Consumption to the point of waste
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Read "A Briefer History of Time" by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Miodinow. Explain some of the concepts (without referring to the book).

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Emotional

Objective - Catharsis
Duration - 6 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Watch three films in one sitting; "Dancer in the Dark", "Requiem for a Dream", and "Gods and Monsters". Discuss how these made you feel.

Experience-"No way!" "Uh, Yahweh!"

            Blurring the lines on this one, I decided to ask someone I have been talking to only a few months now (we play in an online game together, and have never met in person) rather than a total stranger.  Partly because it is kind of awkward to just start a random conversation about personal religious beliefs with a total stranger (I’ll work up to that, I’m sure), but also because I felt really lax in our budding friendship.  We only skirted the subject once before, she and I, and apparently I was completely wrong in my interpretation.

            I knew she was raised Catholic, but thought (as with all other Catholics I know, but am not related to) she was lapsed.  Apparently I was wrong.  Ana, her chosen name, actually still regularly attends Mass, and when she is unable to attend still does her daily readings.  She occasionally prays the rosary, tries to understand Church teachings, and to emulate Jesus; she does Lent and Ash Wednesday, and has met both Popes of her lifetime so far.

            Curious I further questioned if she ever questioned her faith, looked into others, and why exactly she found such comfort in the Catholic religion.  Ana responded that she had gone through a questioning period in her life, particularly when the major Church scandals broke out a few years ago, and she felt betrayed by the leadership.  Apparently her family is originally Orthodox, her mother being the first to be baptized Catholic, and she looked into that for a time—one of the draws to Catholicism for her is the ties to her family’s history.  However, when she went off to a Catholic College she met others who were passionate about their faith, and soon found her own rekindled.

            I find her story very interesting, as it’s similar to my own, but with a drastically different outcome.  I was raised in a bi-religious household (Christian and Jewish), and when I became a teenager began to question religion in general.  I searched various kinds, including Wicca, various Eastern religions, and a Judaism, to name a few.  I found that most religions held ridiculous tenants I simply couldn’t find the logic in, and were often used to justify acts of violent hate.  I became disillusioned, and decided I neither wanted, nor needed religion in my life—though I still consider myself a deeply spiritual person.

            Where Ana was able to find comfort and spiritual clarity, I only found distrust, disillusionment, and disgust.  I don’t think she’s wrong, or pass judgment on her for her beliefs, but I can’t claim to understand their appeal either.  And I’m okay with that.

Experience-"Spare the rod."

            I do not have children.  I do not particularly like children (even as a child myself).  I do not know that I ever want children—perhaps, we will see.  I do know I have to deal with children on a daily basis, however, and the way their parents choose to raise them, or NOT raise them does effect me, and society in general, so I do take an interest in the general practice of child rearing.  Which is not to say this project is superfluous or redundant to my life, because I actually rarely ask people-on-the-street their opinions on the matter; I prefer to consult the professionals (SUPERNANNY, FTW!).  Ahem, anyway…

            I took some liberties with this one, and posted the question to Facebook.  To be fair, I do not actually know everyone on my Facebook ‘friends list’ very well, or even at all (there are a couple friends of friends, and even just people who found me through shared interest groups).  The hypothetical was “How would you punish a child who intentionally puts gum in another child’s hair, the child is age 6”—I was specific because the infraction, intent, and age all matter in the type of discipline appropriate.  I got a few “Beat the shit out of the child” responses, but mostly from people who a) were not totally serious, and b) do not actually have kids.  One creative answer was to give the child a surprise haircut, because ‘kids seem to hate those.’  My favorite idea, however, is the idea to simply take the child aside (optional:  put them in ‘time out’), and then explain to them what they did wrong, and WHY it was wrong, followed up with an apology (again, SUPERNANNY!).

            One of my biggest complaints when getting punished when I was little—which was a truly rare occurrence—wanted to know why exactly I was being punished.  Why did it matter enough to send me to my room, put me in the corner, or give me a spanking.  In order for a child to rise to the level we expect them to be as adults, we have to treat them as such.  A person will raise or lower themselves to your expectations of them, especially when so young and impressionable.  My mother was not perfect, but she never treated me as simple, and I never acted such.  Children are amazingly versatile, and can be reasoned with if given a chance.

           

            As a personal aside:  I don’t believe in spanking.  I was spanked, not often, and I don’t think it damaged me terribly.  However, I do believe there are better ways.  I also find it interesting that a study was done which showed all the individuals who hid Jews from the Nazi’s during WWII were themselves never spanked.  I feel, in the long run spanking does more damage to a child than good.