Week 4- Catch Up! (Part 2)

So obviously, this was another week, used to catch up on assignments and posts. Patrick has expressed his commitment to this experiment, and will be completing future assignments and posts within the time allotted.

He will be paying more attention to the objective of each assignment for direction in his experience.

Also, to aid in reader comprehension, he will be including a link to each assignment posting at the beginning of each of his relevant posts.

Experience-Emotional Lust

Brad told me yesterday that he wouldn't be continuing on with this project if I didn't complete all my writings by Midnight, Saturday, January 30, 2011, as proof of my commitment to this project myself.  I didn't, but I went over just barely.  It remains to be seen whether he'll accept this or not.  This is the last post I have yet to do...

However, I'm not going to do it just yet.  Not because I don't want to continue on with this, but because this one is too important.  It through me because I thought I'd said all there was to say on this subject, I thought it was hashed out.  Apparently Brad feels differently, and I need to know why.  I'll do the assignment, and I'll write about it, but only in that order.

Experience-Mental Lust...SEXY BRAINS! (yeah, I'm tired...)

            I actually still fully intend to write this erotic short story.  The reason I did not was due partly to exhaustion, partly to the fact it is a huge undertaking, and I was already hella behind on my experiences (and still trying to catch up by actually DOING them at this point), and also partly to the fact my laptop power adapter decided to die.  It sucks, but there you have it.  I will not be giving away any plot points, or general overview of this one, because I do not know when I will finally have it ready, and I do not want to whet your appetites just yet.  I will tell you that it is based on mythology (a Greek inspired mythology of my own concoction, actually), and does not actually involve much fetish of my own interest.  The concept, however, was too enticing to pass up once the idea popped into my head.  And hey, the parameters merely stated erotic short story, not erotic short story you personally find arousing and titillating.

            I think Brad’s point with this one was to get me writing creatively again.  I know he wants me to get back in the habit of writing pretty much daily with these little blog posts, but this specific task required creativity, a work of imaginative fiction rather than an analytical dissection of real-life events.  What he may not realize is I actually kind of do this already.  Not on this level, and not like I should, but I do semi-regularly contribute to a few (much fewer now than once upon a time) online RPGs (not MMOs, mind you).  Text based games that are really more co-authored fan-fic than one typically thinks of classifying RPG.  I enjoy them greatly, and even occasionally create O.C.s (Original Characters), but it is not quite the same.

            The creative process in these games is collaborative, dealing with a shared play-space, and often times based in a ‘universe’ actually owned by some major company (not going to lie, kind of a total geek here) or at least established professional author.  It can be terrifying creating in this kind of space, because you have a standard to live up to.  However, you also have a crutch, an already established cannon that you know works (to one degree or another) because enough people enjoyed it to buy into it (movie tickets, book sales, etc), and now create games based on it.  When creating your own world?  It’s just you.  Your failures as well as successes are all on you, and that can be a terrifying though.

Experience-"Private Eyes Aren't Watching You!"

            This was another one I failed to complete even outside the allotted time frame.  Though not for lack of trying!  I added the fantasy of voyeurism to my profile on several sites, as well as posting brand new listings to places like craigslist, and actively pursuing a couple “we’re a couple” profiles on the sites I frequent.  None of the e-mails I sent out saying “Hey, would you be interested…” returned anything, favorable or not.  And nobody contacted me of their own volition after seeing my profile, either.  However, my Craigslist ad did yield some fruit.  I got about 4 hits, one bogus spam, one not looking for quite what I was, and two potentials.  Unfortunately, one fizzled out, and the other was waiting on his Girlfriend to return in a few weeks from some work conference (may still indulge in that one, they seemed like a fun couple!).  It really did not help that, for whatever reason, my Craigslist posting was flagged and removed after about 12 hours.

            I guess I could have gone and peered in some neighbor’s window or some such, but that is kind of sketch, and not really something up for doing.  Initially I think the problem was I mentioned I was doing this or a blog specifically, and even anonymously people get a bit antsy about such things.  It did not take long for me to realize it was kind of silly for me to divulge every single reason to complete strangers.  Especially since we take these risks through daily human interactions.  We do not own a patent or copyright on our interactions with others.  We do not get to dictate whether they later discuss these things as fact, or even use them to embellish fictional tales, especially when our identities are protected.  Some people would say it is wrong, and if I plan to write about my experiences I should tell people up front.  To them I say, bollocks.

            Again, I am not really sure what this one was SUPPOSED to teach me, maybe Brad just thought it would be funny.  Maybe I was supposed to learn that denying myself was something I should not do, and I should build confidence and actually go after what I want, rather than just sit there and watch it fuck someone else.  Not really sure.  Whatever the lesson, it sadly was not learned.  Perhaps another time.

Experience-" יֵצֶר לֵב הָאָדָם רַע "

            For those unfamiliar, the concept of Yetzer Hara is as follows:  “refers to the inclination to do evil, by violating the will of God. The Yetzer Hara is not a demonic force, but rather man's misuse of things the physical body needs to survive.”*  I.e. the human need to eat being taken to the extreme of gluttony, when one no longer NEEDS to eat, but simply does it for its own sake.

            I was actually really looking forward to this one.  Not because I am a religious individual, because I am not.  But I enjoy my Hebrew heritage, and actually have a desire to get back more in touch with it.  I even went through the oh-so-tiring burden of searching GOOGLE for a decent Temple near here, and found a really cool Reform Judaism (i.e. liberalist of liberal) Synagogue in town, with a FEMALE RABBI!  I still plan on attending High Hollies at some point there, and maybe even the occasional Friday Night service when I am in the mood.  For me it is far less about some archaic dogma than it is about a sense of community and shared history.  Plus, who knows?  Maybe I’ll find a nice Jewish Doctor to bring home to Mom and Dad, heh!

            The week I was supposed to be doing this the Rabbi was out on vacation, and then things got a … busy.  And I admit, I got a little lazy when I had free time.  Anyway, here is as good a place as a Rabbi’s office to discuss how Yetzer Hara affects my life.

            Well, for starters I can boredom eat.  I am better about it now, but it can still be something of a habit.  I can also turn the need to feel safe and protected into being callous, cold, and distant.  I am much better about this one too, but it can still be a damaging habit, and I have yet to truly break myself of it.

            I guess ultimately the goal of acknowledging Yetzer Hara boils down to the old adage “Everything in moderation.”  Sex, food, protection, they are all required to sustain life—one of the most holy tenants, btw—however, they can all become dangerous and detrimental if overindulged.  It’s all pretty much common sense, but it’d be interesting to sit down and discuss in a theological context.  Maybe I will eventually, we’ll see.

Assignment - Temperance - Virtual - Week 5

Objective - Reflection
Duration - 15 mins daily, preferably at the same time each day (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Sit in front of a mirror, with your eyes closed. Record a video (webcam) of your reflection in the mirror while you do this. Discuss what you see, and what you don't.

For reference: Wikipedia (particularly the last paragraph)

Assignment - Temperance - Vicarious - Week 5

Objective - Justice
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Goto court (traffic/civil/etc...) and observe the proceedings. Discuss how other people experienced justice.

Assignment - Temperance - Social - Week 5

Objective - Forgiveness
Duration - 15-30 mins (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Offer forgiveness to a stranger who has done wrong (but not wronged you).

Assignment - Temperance - Spiritual - Week 5

Objective - Constant mindfulness of others
Duration - 15-30 mins each (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Engage 5 strangers in a conversation about their religious beliefs.

Assignment - Temperance - Physical - Week 5

Objective - Practice self-control
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Do nothing that you enjoy (aside from sleeping) for longer than 30 mins each day.

Assignment - Temperance - Mental - Week 5

Objective - Learn the prudence to judge between actions
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Discuss with both someone who has a child and someone who doesn't how they would punish a child to prevent that child from repeating some offense. Weigh the two viewpoints against each other, and determine which is more appropriate.

Assignment - Temperance - Emotional - Week 5

Objective - Explore honor and monogamy
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find a couple who has been in a monogamous relationship for 10+ years and discuss with them how they have defended the honor of the person they love.

Experience-"No, I don't want no scrub!"

            This one went a bit better than the oral sex in a public place … well, depending on how you look at it.  Again, thanks to the internet (don’t you just love that thing?  I mean, seriously!) it was not too hard to find someone to help fulfill this request.  Oddly, it happened when I was not even really looking to fulfill it.  I just happened to be logged into one of my ‘hook-up’ sites, and this random guy messages me.  We get to talking, and he is apparently a ‘dom top’ or whatever from England.  It is all going swell until he mentions taking control of every aspect of my life, more specifically, the fiscal aspects of my life.  Like, seriously.  He specifically mentioned fiscal!  What the fuck?  I basically told him he could go fuck himself, I was not about to pay him money, and he changed his tune pretty quick.  Supposedly all he wanted was some kind of proof of what I was willing to put in the effort and submit.  I figure he is probably full of shit (especially considering he’s talking about making me the head of his stable, and we’d literally JUST met, and met online at that!), but whatever.  I can use him to at least accomplish my own goals.

            So I agree to webcam for him, to prove my devotion.  He has me get salt, a shoelace, a lighter and a candle.  I will not go into all the details (some of which were marginally better than I expected), but I will divulge my favorite part.  The last thing he demands of me to do is to run outside and chase a down a neighborhood cat like I was a dog.  I agree, and go off screen.  So I go off screen, pet the cats, make a peanut butter and jelly, sit on the couch for a few minutes and enjoy my food, then head back into the room.  Lying, he seems satisfied that I am devoted enough to follow such a humiliating command, and resigns me from service for the evening.  I play my part, and haven’t spoken to him since.

            I’m not really sure what this specific experience was supposed to teach me.  Maybe that it’s okay to let my freak flag fly (which I already knew), or maybe to just get me out of my box a little, I’m not really certain.  All I know is it simply illustrated the fact I can be kind of a selfish, manipulative bitch, especially when you try and play me.  Normally, I care enough about other people not to just straight up use them.  But honey, you gonna try and use me first, and disrespect my intellect as to assume I wouldn’t notice, or worse assume I’m so sad I’d actually PAY you?  Aw, hell no.  Thanks for helping me fulfill MY needs, and enjoy those vacations to exotic locations paid for by men who aren’t me.

Experience-"Me Love You Short Time"

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Experience-Even Jesus only had 12!

            Yeah, that didn’t happen.  I will admit to failing greatly on this one, mostly because I did not push it hard enough.  I probably could have got 25 followers easy if I had posted my link to facebook, but that would have seriously cramped the ‘anonymous’ thing.  Then again, I know all of my current followers, but still.  I have a lot of family members on my facebook, and not all of them (most of them, really) would approve of this particular ‘experiment.’

            It also does not help that I am a pretty passive internet presence.  I do not actively participate in a ton of blogs and/or forums anymore.  There was a time I did, however, and it would have been simple to just throw the link in my ‘signature’ with a note saying ‘follow me’ and get at least a few curious stray clicks.  I do not really do that any more though.  Partly because I do not want to spend my time sitting around chatting with people online who I mostly do not know, and mostly do not give a crap about, but also because internet discourse is fairly bland, and flat.  As I mentioned in a previous post, people are also callous and cruel online, for no greater reason than they can be.  This is not to say I become emotionally distraught when someone online is nasty, I really could not care less most of the time.  However, it is a nuisance, and one I have grown sick of dealing with (i.e. trolls, flamers, /b/tards [even just their name is itself offensive], etc).  Honestly, they only reason I am even bothering with my own bog is because it was a condition of the experiment in which I had genuine interest.

            All that b.s. aside, I could have made more of an effort.  Google searched for similar things, especially on “Blogspot” and posted comments “Ooh, I like your blog, you should check mine out!”  It is disingenuous crap, but it would get the job done (to some degree).  Would I like to have 25 followers?  Sure, but if we’re being honest, I don’t think my blog is quite ready for that much of a following.  I haven’t got into the rhythm just yet, and I’m (clearly) failing to complete all objectives.  Maybe in a month or two I’ll be interesting enough to warrant it, but right now … I’m happy with the ones I’ve got.

Experience-"Everyone Says, 'I Loathe You!'"

            So as it turns out, I don’t actually know many couples in a committed relationship.  Or couples in general.  Like, next to none, honestly.  I honestly don’t know that many PEOPLE in general, really.  But whatever, we make do with what we’ve got, don’t we?

            This probably explains my general outlook on relationships.  I don’t date.  I’ve never ‘dated,’ or been in a romantic relationship with anyone.  I’ve been on exactly one date in my life, and it was … a little awkward, but mostly painless.  However, it was also rather underwhelming—and I don’t fault the other party in this, we just weren’t clicking.  The point being, I’ve not really had much experience with happy, healthy relationships.  Most of the couples in my life have either split dramatically, or continued on unhealthily, and quite often co-dependently.  My best friend just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship he—at the time—thought might be one to stand the test of time, and other Hallmark sentiments; friends from high school who married young have fought, threatened divorce, but ultimately decided to stay together for whatever reason; elder family members (aunts, uncles, etc.) have either gotten divorced to remarry someone basically the same (but better at concealing their activities) as the manipulative people they were originally married to, or stayed in a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive marriage for no greater reason than ‘god doesn’t believe in divorce;’ There’s really one marriage of people I’m somewhat close to (though not geographically) which seems to be working, and even that had a really ugly phase.  I’m not saying I don’t believe in love, or that I think it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship, or even marriage.  I just don’t think most people are actually capable of it—and I definitely include myself amongst that number.  Especially when they go out looking for it.

            If by some unholy chance I happen to fall in love, and the person actually loves me back, I’ll let it happen (or at least try to).  I just don’t want to go chasing it.  I don’t want to be one of those people who thinks they HAVE to have someone in order to be complete.  ‘Cause if you aren’t a complete person, from what I’ve witnessed?  There’s no chance of you having a healthy, successful relationship (see:  co-dependant). I’m not running away from the possibility, but I don’t think I’m there yet either.

Experience-Virtual Chastity

                This … this one was a bit hard to wrap my head around.  Even after brad explained the general concept to me, it was still a bit tricky.  Basically, the idea was to observe someone who isn’t quite themselves online, i.e. virtual reality, or at least not the self they claim to be (or more accurately, we experience them as) in day-to-day ‘actual’ reality.  Now, numerous studies have been done on the subject, and revealed a startling trend.  Most people online will actually say and do things they would never be caught doing in actual reality.  The rules of morality are somehow more flexible online.  Due to anonymity (or as I like to think of it, The Invisible Man Effect), people don’t feel as strictly bound by a generally agreed upon code of conduct (i.e. common courtesy).  They also don’t feel as empathetic towards others due to the dehumanizing nature of the internet.  We have no face, no vocal inflection, no pheromones to communicate with.  Only pure thought, in two-dimensional words.

                Take Brad, for instance.  Brad and I actually met online, and we have since become good friends.  Brad, however, is a dick online (and to varying degrees in real life, but I digress), to the point I almost didn’t actually go to hang out with him that first night we were chatting.  I did, and wound up really enjoying our interactions, and saw other sides to him.  His online persona is a mere fraction of his real-life one, and one he rarely comes close to emulating during face-to-face interactions.  Where he would tell someone online to fuck off, he would perhaps try and make peace or come to some understanding face to face.  And to varying degrees, this is something we all do.

                I find I can be more assertive and domineering online, whereas away from the computer I generally give way or make more generous concessions.  On sites (forums and such) where one uses an avatar as their “face,” it’s like wearing a mask.  Even on social media such as facebook, MySpace, etc. where (presumably) one uses their own images as identifiers, there’s less pressure of “is this person gonna like me,”  “Will they think that comment was funny,” “Did I remember to brush my teeth?”  Because even if they don’t, or you weren’t, or you didn’t, it’s not ‘real,’ so it ultimately doesn’t matter.

                Unfortunately, it is real, and it does matter.  Words, even online words, can hurt deeply, and result in some very serious ‘real life’ consequences.

Week 3 - Catch Up!

Due to an unfortunate bout of illness which Patrick had during the first week of this experiment, as well as his adjustment (or lack thereof) to the amount of writing required, week 3 has been set aside for him to catch up on his assignments for the first two weeks. New assignments will commence with week 4.

Experience - "As your body grows bigger, your mind grows flowered..."

            Amidst the whir of industrial dryers, an urban symphony in the background, I sat down at the local Laundr-O-Mat/Gas-N-Go—across the street from the local bakery which supplies semi-free wifi—and began to fiddle around.  No stranger to the blogosphere (MySpace, Livejournal, InsaneJournal, etc), confidence levels ran high going in to this particular project.  Blog layouts vary minimally from host site to host site, with levels of professionalism and customizability (it’s a word…maybe) the only somewhat-large difference.  And how did Blogspot compare?  Favorably.

            The user-interface is incredibly simple.  There isn’t even a need for basic HTML skills (which I do posses).  The entire system is designed to be visually manipulated.  Prospective changes are seen instantaneously, and any would-be confusion can quickly be cleared up with a brief trip to your local FAQ.  So I continued to fiddle about, HTML or not, first choosing an appropriate, attractive layout, then adding gadgets, moving gadgets, considering adding a revenue stream (google ads), changing fonts, colors and size of headers, body text, titles, and time stamps, deciding against adding a revenue stream, background colors, images, and so forth.  Finally, it was all coming together.  It was basic.  Pretty, but basic.  Dragging the cursor over to “Apply to Blog” I clicked down.  Again.  A double click.  Triple click.  And finally, defeat.  Sadly, the local bakery across the street sets a 20 minute limit on free internet access per day.  I had timed out.

            Still, the point of the exercise was accomplished.  I learned how to edit the layout and design template of the blog.  I had educated myself!  Emboldened by this new knowledge, empowered by my humble-yet-growing band of ‘followers,’ and invigorated by my nigh godlike control over my own blog, and thus their own experience of it I vowed to continue these modifications.

            Though Blogspot doesn’t require an understanding of HTML, it does allow for HTML modifications.  I look forward to altering and modifying the layouts I have with perhaps my own background images, custom polls, video and who knows what else.  This exercise has made me fairly confident this blog will be an ever growing, expanding, shifting creation.  Not only in the addition of new weekly assignments and writings, but in the layout and style.  It will evolve with me, not force me to conform to its rigid or limited forms of expression.  I hope you all reading this look forward to seeing what may come as much as I.

Experience - Spiritual Chastity - Week 1

Lies are a part of our daily life. We tell them without thinking about it, without remorse or guilt. And for those of you who think you aren’t liars, “When asked the question ‘are you a liar?’ nearly 97% of people answer ‘no’. When the remaining 3% (self-confessed liars) are subjected to questions calibrating their real, rather than perceived honesty, they turn out to be, on average, 28 times more honest than the people who claimed they never lied.”* The only way to be truly honest is to admit you’re a liar. Now, it’s not a bad thing, per se. It’s just a fact of life. We lie. We bold face lie, little white lie, lie of omission, and a myriad of other definitions for the same basic concept of un-truth. We lie to each other, our families, friends, employers and total strangers, and to ourselves—which is perhaps the most dangerous of all. Because we lie to ourselves, it can be difficult to gauge whether we’re actually telling the truth. Which is why going into this I just want to state, I truthfully can’t say whether or not I was honest. I can’t say with 100% certainty I fulfilled this assignment. All I can say is, I tried to the very best of my ability not to intentionally lie, mislead, or otherwise be dishonest or untruthful.

I regard myself as a very honest person. Which isn’t to say I’m a ‘bad liar,’ I lie with great ease and subtlety, but I’m generally pretty open and honest about it. I also do, honestly try not to lie for the soul purpose of hurting another individual, and recognize I am a terrible hypocrite for despising when others (try to) lie to me. One of my most common lies is the simple “You’re fine.” I say it as reflex, without even considering for a moment the full meaning of my words. “Oh, you’re fine. I didn’t mind coming in to work when you didn’t really need me while I was very, very ill,” “oh, you’re fine. I didn’t actually need to set down this heavy tray. Please, go ahead and take all the time you need to jump in front of me with your one salad bowl and tongs,” or “oh, you’re fine. I didn’t mind waiting out in the cold for an extra half hour while you were picking up other customers, even though I booked this cab for a specific time.” What I’m really saying when I lie “You’re fine,” is “I’m worth less.” “I’m worth less than you,” “I deserve to be ignored and treated poorly,” “I don’t deserve to actually take up space.” This is a learned response, a lie I tell myself and the world, and one I very desperately need to break.

I’ll have to stop here, or risk running over my word limit. I could honestly write pages on the subject. Just know, I have learned from this reflection, and hope to grow in response.

*Taken from Answers.com (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_some_statistics_on_lying)

Experience - Emotional Chastity - Week 1

            I didn’t actually do this one.  I started to, I tried to, but I couldn’t.  And ultimately I’ve just decided I’m not going to.  I won’t go into the reasons why here, beyond the fact that I’m not willing to post stuff about my family.  Yes, this is ‘anonymous,’ but in the information age NOTHING is genuinely anonymous.  Not really.  I agreed to this experiment, myself.  Not them.  I will, however, describe what exactly DID happen when I initially attempted this task.

            This first week I was sicker than I can ever remember being, or at least for the longest duration of time I can ever remember it taking for me to get better.  I was literally in bed from 4pm Tuesday evening until about 10-11 am Thursday morning, and then fluctuated between feeling like I was getting better, and feeling like I was getting worse until I went to see the doctor around the start of this (the second) week.  I finally got some antibiotics to take care of the sinusitis aspect, a condition left over from the Flu he felt I had initially been suffering.  I didn’t start I genuinely feel truly better until the around Tuesday of the second week.

            Of course, about this time is when one of our cats (my roommate and I have a pair of cats, Buff and Blacky), Buff decided he needed to develop crystals in his urethra.  But that’s neither here, nor there, just another stressor thrown at me so far in this New Year.  Side note:  He seems to be doing fine now, yay!

            Anyway, before I went in to the doctor I actually called my father.  I had every intention of at least attempting this assignment, but when he got on the phone we just started talking about how I was sick.  He was concerned by the fact I was STILL sick, and we proceeded to have a fairly long conversation about my condition.  It was refreshing, and I didn’t want to ruin it by hashing things out right then and there.  I felt it would be tacky and inappropriate at the time.  So I chose to just let the conversation be what it was, rather than try and force it into something I thought it should be.  A decision I don’t regret.

            I realized pretty immediately afterwards that making this part of my project, dragging my family in to this without their consent or knowledge wasn’t something I was comfortable with.  And even if…when I do eventually have that conversation, it will be on my terms, and not open for public consumption.

Experience - Social Chastity - Week 1

This has been by far, the single most difficult of all the challenges. Well, perhaps difficult is not the right word, considering I actually managed to adhere to this one. But it IS the most annoying. Going into this one I was confident I would be able to stick-to-it without much adversity, just minor annoyance at the fact I was not able to warn my friends with whom I communicate exclusively online that I would no longer be on (for a week, anyway), or why. However, facebook and IM proved much stronger a pull on me than I had expected.

Even on the first night, I had to repeatedly remind myself NOT to log into facebook or Trillian. In my typical habit, I will log straight into Trillian after turning on the computer (or simply have it running all day if I’m running various other programs on the computer anyway), and then go to facebook to check for my friends’ status updates—though sidebar, I will confess not having to see constant updates about peoples podling hellspawn was a nice side-effect of this whole endeavored. I’m not saying I ‘hate’ children; I just don’t care enough about yours to be stoked every time I see they are taking a nap. I probably barely care enough about YOU to care if you are taking a nap. But I’m rambling—which is a quick, easy way I like to keep in touch with casual acquaintances, friends from high school, etc. You do not have to invest a lot of time or effort into it, but it can still be fun to drop the occasional one liner, or “hey, how’ve you been” every month or so. Not being able to IM was the worse, however.

I use Instant Message to talk with … well, pretty much everyone (including Brad). I may actually chat more than I text (which is saying something). It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s to the point, and I don’t have to have awkward phone conversations. When there’s a long silence on IM, it’s cool. Maybe they went to get a drink of water or something. You aren’t left sitting there wondering why it’s suddenly gone so quiet. Also, you can have a quick chat while doing other things (checking your bank account, looking at porn, ordering more books off amazon, etc—the second of which is SUPER awkward to try and do while actually talking with someone, fyi).

To bring this Sudafed/Dayquil induced rambling to a close, what I learned from all this is I’m an addict. I’m addicted to text based communications technology. And while that’s a nifty thing to have, it can actually break down ones ability to converse with another human being on a basic fucking level—and I freely admit, it’s a lot easier, and less intimidating to chat with someone online, than it is face-to-face.

Experience - Physical Chastity - Week 1

Next to the ‘Social’ assignment, this one was the most difficult, and I pretty well failed it fantastically. Not because I’m some raging lush or something, but because there is caffeine or alcohol in one form or another in SO many things—especially when you are sick, as I have been pretty much this entire week. Monday night alone, when I was just starting to feel ill at Brad’s house, I decided to try drinking a Dr. Enuf (hoping that would settle my stomach). Turns out? Dr. Enuf has caffeine in the ingredients. I did dump it out once I realized this, but I had already drunk most of the bottle.

Then there is the medication I have been taking. Most of it is in pill form, and all of it is over-the-counter—though I am not sure if medication alone qualifies as an intoxicant, and even if it does, fuck that. I feel like crap, and I am taking the damn pills! Anyway, pills aside, certain medicines (like night-time cough syrup) have alcohol in them. It is minimal, only about 10%, but still…rules are rules. And honestly, considering how terrible I am STILL feeling after almost a full week, I do not even know if it was worth breaking them. However, to pretend my illness was the only reason I broke the rules would be frankly, a lie.

While at Brad’s apartment Monday night, I forgot about the prohibition on alcohol for this week, and when offered—rather forcefully—some wine, I accepted. It was only a glass, and it was not exceptionally high in alcoholic content (or exceptionally good), but it was still wine. It was not until later that night I remembered, but it was too late. Beyond that one glass, however, and the cough medicine, I have done remarkably well to keep with the rules. I do not exactly start each day off with a Mimosa, but I do enjoy more than one glass of wine a week, on average, and the odd beer and hard liquor.

I guess what I have learned from all this is, even if one is not an alcoholic, or drug abuser, we are still, as a people inundated with intoxicants. Caffeine especially seems to find its way into places it has no business being, and alcohol (especially for those of legal drinking age) barely makes a blip on the radar.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Physical

Objective - New sexual experience
Duration - As long as it takes (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Perform anonymous oral sex in a public place (bathroom, rest area, etc...)

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Vicarious

Objective - Craving for carnal pleasure
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Watch someone having sex (with another person, in real life) but *DO NOT* participate.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Virtual

Objective - Assume a self-indulgent character
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find someone to order you to perform sexual acts upon yourself on webcam. Do anything and everything they tell you.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Social

Objective - Accumulation of false affection
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Get at least 25 people to follow this blog.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Spiritual

Objective - Yetzer Hara
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Discuss the concept of Yetzer Hara with a rabbi and how it applies to your life.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Mental

Objective - Embrace sexual thoughts
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Write a pornographic short story.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Emotional

Objective - Excessive love of others
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Admit to someone that you have had an unrequited crush upon them (which negatively impacted your life in some manner) and discuss the resulting experience.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Vicarious

Objective - Practice romantic friendship
Duration - 4 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Observe two individuals in a committed relationship.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Social

Objective - Refrain from distractions
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Other than this blog, do not communicate with anyone, for any reason, online.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Spiritual

Objective - Embracing moral wholesomeness
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Do not tell a lie in any form or fashion.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Physical

Objective - Cleanliness maintained by refraining from intoxicants.
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Consume no alcohol or other substances (including illegal drugs, caffeine, nicotine, etc...)

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Mental

Objective - Purity of thought through education.
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Graphically redesign this blog to reflect you expectations of the upcoming year and generally familiarize yourself with all Blogspot functionality.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Emotional

Objective - Honesty with one's family.
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Have a meaningful and interactive conversation with your father regarding the relationship (or lack thereof) that you have with him.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Virtual

Objective - Refrain from temptation
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Comment upon someone you know who skirts the strictest rules of temptation (online), but only slightly.