Experiment aborted prematurely

So, due to a lack of commitment, which I'm sure is easily discerned from reading the blog, this experiment is on hiatus for an unspecified duration.

Experience-"Wire in the Blood"

http://patricksexpandingexperiences.blogspot.com/2011/02/assignment-gluttony-week-6-virtual.html

I didn't get to this one.  Logged on to a Narcotics Anon. chat, but not much was going on.  I may give it another go tomorrow evening, however.

Experience-"And eat, and eat, and eat, and eat, and eat until I die!"

            It’s no secret to anyone who knows me (or has seen me) that I’ve struggled with obesity myself, and to a 130 pound-lesser degree still do.  The bridge between ones personal relationship with obesity and the medical field’s professional objectivity (some might say ‘distance’) can be a vast one, depending on the stage of acknowledgement.  Obesity—like its sister disorders anorexia and bulimia—is just as much a mental disease as it is a physical ailment.  Unlike Anorexia/Bulimia*, where many people feel sorry for the individual, feel they are a victim of societal pressures, those suffering from obesity are usually seen as bringing these issues upon themselves, sinners (specifically, Gluttons), or deserving of their disorder.  After all, the problem is a simple fix, right?  Just put the burger down, and get up off your ass!

            When discussing obesity with obese individuals one gets a wide array of feelings.  Some don’t seem themselves as obese, they’re just ‘a little pudgy,’ ‘big boned,’ or ‘have a glandular problem.  A sort of denial.  The morbidly obese, however, generally can’t escape the issue, but still choose not to address it, which makes it hard to actually address the issue of being overweight with those who are overweight.  An issue the medical field of psychology addresses.

            Psychology tells us that people are most often obese due to an issue of avoidance.  Some emotional trauma they either don’t want to deal with, or feel food is the only way to deal with it.  They will either use food to make themselves feel full, pushing away all other feelings (especially emotional emptiness) and people, creating a literally thicker physical armor, or abuse food because they feel it’s the only thing they can actually control in their life (similar to cutters, who take charge and control of the pain letting it out on THEIR terms).

            Still others focus predominantly on the physical nature of the condition, such as dietitians, physical therapists, and the vast majority of physicians.  To them, the condition is physical, and if you get the physical condition in line the mental will follow—something I personally feel is ass-fucking-backwards.  More and more are beginning to realize this doesn’t work, and people tend to just backslide if the underlying emotional issues aren’t met.  Sadly, the obese play into this themselves.

            Many obese people—if they choose to take any action—go to the gym, but not the psychiatrist or psychologist.  They choose to focus on the physical nature of their condition, avoiding the emotional element.  Avoiding in a new way, perhaps a physically healthier way, but still avoiding.

*To be clear, I am well aware of the stigma placed on Anorexics and Bulimics (“Just eat a damn cheeseburger!”), and don’t mean to undercut that very serious issue in any way.  However, this post isn’t about that, and as a generalization I find my observations to hold fairly true even if only in the broadest sense.

Experience-"'Yertle the Turtle,' No Longer the Authority on Turtle Stacking"

http://patricksexpandingexperiences.blogspot.com/2011/02/assignment-gluttony-week-6-mental.html

Experince experienced, will be posted tomorrow evening.

Experience-"Glutton for Punishment"

            Catholic Mass.  What can I say about Catholic Mass?  Well, it’s pretty overindulgent all on its own, for starters.  I’ve experienced a number of religious ceremonies (Southern Baptist, Wiccan, Jewish, Episcopalian, and a few others), none of them are quite as rigid and overly indulgent (again, in my opinion) as the Catholic tradition.  It honestly wouldn’t have bothered me half as much if the congregation seemed to at all be involved, or passionate about the spectacle.  Instead they simply mouthed along, saying the right words at the right time without any feeling, just waiting to get through it, to take communion, and then get the fuck out.  At least the Priest seemed legitimately to feel the spirit of his sermon.  It also seemed to borrow heavily from other religions.

            There’s the most obvious, which is the Jewish tradition (of which I’m pretty familiar) in which there are many sacred items presented in a very similar way as the catholic tradition, right down to the presentation of the Torah (or Bible, in the case of the Catholic Church) to the congregation, paraded about and treated as though its physical embodiment is itself holy.  This is pretty common amongst most religious ceremonies, sacred texts.  But the way in which it was presented struck me as startlingly similar.  Then there were all the pagan rites, which was probably the most interesting aspect for me.  Watching a bunch of people practice magic without (for the most part) even fully realizing what’s what they’re doing.  I’m going off a bit on a tangent here, and a slightly incoherent one at that, so I’ll wrap this bit up.

            One of the things I loved the most about most religious services was the community, the way the congregation gathered together in support of one another (even if it was just to support one another in continuing to be closed minded bigots).  The Catholic service, or perhaps just THIS Catholic service, however did not encourage that.  There was a single moment in the sermon in which we were supposed to turn and greet the people next to us, but it wasn’t from the heart.  We were given a script, “Peace be with you.”  We weren’t even forced to try and fake something of our own creation.

            At the very least, the actual sermon was beautiful, as was the setting.  It will never be a religion I understand, or consider myself part of, but I did appreciate the experience.

Experience-"Something clever about Butterflies"

            Spending two hours, on two different days, in five separate locations each day where there will be about fifty-plus people isn’t as easy as it sounds.  Or at least not for me.  For starters, I tend to avoid crowds.  They make me feel claustrophobic and panic-attack-y, so I had to put in a bit of extra effort to think about where I should even go to fulfill this one.  Some places were easy, like the Grocery store or Work, places I pretty much have to go anyway, other places were required in separate assignments (Church, for instance), and others didn’t pan out the way I thought (like the oyster experience, maybe five people in the whole establishment).

            One of the more productive outings actually didn’t even happen in a space with fifty or more people, but just on a regular run down to the small grocery shop down the road.  I got to talking with the cashier girl, Hailey, and we hit it off, more than the polite conversations I’ve had with her (and her boyfriend) in the past.  We exchanged information (facebook, specifically, and I know how much Brad LOVES facebook), and made tentative plans to hang out at Trivia night at one of the local bars.  She didn’t show, possibly because she forgot, personal reasons, or something, or possibly because I didn’t know going in that the bar was a ‘members’ bar only, and she literally COULDN’T get in.  Either way, it was nice to talk to a somewhat new person, and make plans.

            Going to Church didn’t work out as well as I’d thought it would, sadly.  At least not for this assignment.  There were plenty of people, but Catholic church isn’t really like the church I’ve been to in the past.  It’s much more regimented, and far less social.  People seemed to be there to get in, get their penance, and get the hell out.  Not exactly conducive to chatting.  But oh well.

            Mostly this one just lead to me being more comfortable talking and socializing with strangers in other settings, like today in my new class, I actually talked with the girl next to me quite a bit, and we even hit the lunch room together.  A relationship I might actually pursue, at the very least for the duration of the class.  It feels good to be able to converse with total strangers again.  I haven’t’ felt this free to just talk with people since I was very, very young.  I really hope it’s a sign of things to come, and I’m going to do my damndest to ensure that it is.

Experience-"Cause in a musical, nothing dreadful ever happens."

            I’ll be honest.  I didn’t get through these in one sitting.  I managed to make it through ‘Dancer in the Dark’ and ‘Requiem for a Dream’ with only a 20-30 minute break between, but I was NOT able to watch the next one until a couple days later.  Partly because we had company come over, and were busy entertaining (or at least trying to entertain), but mostly because ‘Requiem’ was so upsetting I was too emotionally shaken up to continue on.  I’d never heard of ‘Gods and Monsters’ before, had no idea what it was about, and didn’t trust Brad at this point enough not to have picked something even more terrible (though beautiful and brilliant) than ‘Requiem.’  After talking with Brad, however, I was able to sit down and give ‘Gods’ a go.

            ‘Dancer’ is probably most upsetting less for its story (though it is a genuinely tragic tale) than for the disjointed, discordance produced by the film’s juxtaposition of a deeply emotional indie-tragedy, and the lighthearted buoyancy of bubbly Bjork-pop musical numbers. I cried considerably during the musical number after the film’s first death, as the main character tries to deal with what’s going on, and then even more during the incarceration, where music and rhythm are completely absent, leaving the protagonist without any coping mechanism, and the audience without any escape from the bleak reality of her situation.  By the films closing number, literally a counting of steps to the gallows I was mostly numb, though trembling slightly with anxiety for the scene to come.  And finally, weeping openly once more at the last song—a purely vocal performance, without any of the elaborate musical number trappings.

            ‘Requiem’ was a film I’d only heard of in passing, and never in great detail.  Mostly what I’d heard was that it was difficult to follow, and severely difficult to digest.  I found both to be untrue; it was a very straight forward film quite easy to follow.  The only indigestion it gave was from the unflinching reality of drug addiction, celebrity worship, and stigmatism of psychosis so omnipresent in our post-modern culture.  I don’t remember crying at this one, but it did leave me feeling empty, hollow in a most upsetting way.

            Oddly enough, of all the films—each of which I felt with some personal attachment—‘Gods’ was the one that affected me the most.  I just wept through the last 5-10 minutes of the film uncontrollably.  I don’t know if it’s the subject (an aging gay man, hoping for one last shadow of love and affection), the fact the protagonist also happens to be a director (a profession I’m keenly interested in persuing), or just the riveting performance.  For whatever reason, this film left the deepest impact.  Yet unlike the other two films, ‘Gods’ left me feeling optimistic rather than hollow and alone.

Experience-"The Time has Come, the Walrus Said..."

            Gross.  So gross.  Hate you Brad, oh my god so gross!  This…even before going into it, just…so gross.  Even the thought of it was just beyond disgusting, and the actuality of it somehow managed to be worse.  The roommate and I decided to make a day of it, hitting the comic shop up in the afternoon (aside:  Got you something, Brad), then heading over to a local grill—which by the way, one of the most beautiful dining rooms I’ve ever seen in a place so reasonably priced and centrally located—where we knew they served the “delicacies,” followed by drinks and a movie at a local Cinema/Bar where we drank beer, ate onion rings, and watched one of the most amazingly terrible pieces of cinematic abortions to be green-lit, ‘Burlesque.’  Seriously, the film may have actually been harder to sit through than the 10 damn oysters.

            Anyway, we get there and the place is empty—to be fair, we got there five minutes after it opened—and take our seat at one of the tables in the ‘sports bar’ styled area.  It was a little cutesy/kitsch for my taste, but the view of the main dining room was so gorgeous I didn’t care.  Roomie and I both agreed this was a place we’d have to come back to later with our meat-eating friends (only two vegetarian friendly options on the menu, none vegan, and both were starters/salads), and we could just order deserts and liquor.  And this is where all the pleasantness of the experience stops.

            The waitress comes up, very friendly and sweet, to see if we know what we want, we don’t, but I’ve already noticed the specials board.  We came on the perfect night, apparently, as Wednesday was their oyster special, ½ of an order of 6 or 12.  I inform her I’ll need a few minutes but know I’d like an order of 12 oysters, raw.  She brings them out, and I have to just stare at them for a good 2-3 minutes before I can muster up the courage to actually try one of the slimy little bastards.  Using the little fork, I pull one off its half-shell, and pop it in my mouth.  I didn’t instantly start gagging, but the texture, flavor, sight, sound, and smell of it all made my stomach start flipping.  Add to that the fact I haven’t had animal-based protein in almost a year, and my stomach was not a happy camper.  I only managed to get through the other 9 with ample use of the horseradish, red sauce, and crackers, and an order of double Jameson neat from the bar.

            The whole experience was unpleasant and somewhat embarrassing.  I can only imagine what the other patrons/staff thought as I grimaced my way through 10 of the little buggers.  But I did it—something Brad admits he hasn’t even done.  Now, may I never again suffer through such a gastronomic torture.

Experience-"You are, you are, you aaare, UN-FORGIVEN!"

            Surprise, surprise.  I failed to complete “social.”  Truly shocking, I know.  I know I’m getting better, 6 out of 7.  But this one was just…I’m still trying to figure out how to approach these assignments, as so many of them (esp. social ones) are so foreign to me.  I couldn’t quite wrap my mind around how I was supposed to start.  Just walk up to someone and be all, “You need forgiveness?”  Then watch as they awkwardly back away, and around the corner.  Which wouldn’t bother me, really, except that it wouldn’t help me complete the assignment either.  I kept an ear open at work, hoping someone would fuck something up, so I could console and forgive them.  But alas, to no avail.  I contemplated posting a listing on Craigslist “FREE FORGIVENESS:  You tell me what you feel sorry about, and I’ll forgive you!” but I couldn’t decide where exactly it needed to go (considering their “free stuff” section specifically says ‘Nothing incorporeal’).  Oh well, maybe social will go better this week.

            Also?  10 points to whomever gets the title reference.  Hint:  It's song lyrics.

Experience-"Patrick's Adventures Through the Looking Glass, and What He Didn't Find There"

            Viewing oneself through two artificial mediums (the reflection of a mirror, as filtered through the digital lens of a webcam) is somewhat unnerving.  Especially with eyes closed, as if sleeping and unaware.  When I look at myself in a mirror, I mostly lock eyes with my reflection, focusing on that part.  I’m not sure if I’m just vein (I’m often complimented on my eyes), or if it’s a simple part of human nature—“look me in the eye when I’m talking to you!”  We rely on eye contact to make connections, to feel as though we’re being paid proper respect and attention, even by ourselves in the mirror.  Sure, I give the rest of my features a glance, just like everyone else, checking for blemishes, a lack of symmetry from one matching feature to the next (“Is one of my nostrils larger than the other!?!?!!!?”), but it always comes back to eye contact within a few seconds, as if to reassure or chastise myself with regards to the offending or flattering features.  With eyes closed that’s much harder to do—especially if you aren’t recording it!

            With eyes closed, there isn’t another pair of eyes to lock onto.  Even in pictures, photographs of oneself or others we (or at least I) tend to first lock eyes with the photograph.  Then examine the rest of the photo for extra clues about this person, even if it’s just I.  Without the connection of the eyes, ones vision drifts more freely, picking up a more even canvas of the physical presence in question.  I did find myself drawn to the subtle indications of breathing, however, a subtle reminder of consciousness (the breathing is slower and less labored in a sleeping individual).  I noticed the play of light across my face more, shifting, filtered through atmosphere, branches, window pane and blinds, and the subtle way it altered the perception of my features.  I also noticed from day to day a shift in color, flushed, drained, etc.  Again, all very subtle, but when you don’t have the eyes to lock onto you pick up more of the whole.  But somehow, less of the person.

            I didn’t feel much of a connection with myself in these videos.  I was detached, thrice removed by webcam, mirror, and closed eyes.  Yes, I noticed more physical features, the way my body would subtly sway and shift, but it was all very distant, sterile.  They say the eyes are the window to the soul, and if you don’t believe it, just try observing yourself in this manner.  You might be surprised at how foreign the person in the mirror (through the webcam) seems. 

Experience-"Time is a gift, precious and rare..."

            Doing nothing you enjoy can be really frickin’ miserable.  It can also be kind of freeing, interesting, and fun.  Thankfully, most of the TV shows I watch (which is not an unreasonable number, but is more than it should be) are under 30 minutes, but limiting myself to one a day was a little difficult.  Not exactly Sophie’s Choice, but still hard deciding which exact one I was most interested in watching that day, since I only had one shot at it.

            Masturbation was also a little difficult.  I usually like to take my time, really get into it.  Not just whack-n-go.  I can roll with 30 minutes when need be, but I’m totally the kind of guy who likes to just luxuriate in self pleasure for an hour, or even two.

            Eating wasn’t hard.  I enjoy eating, but I don’t usually have time to sit down to some long, drawn out meal either.

            Pretty much all our video game consoles are broken, and I just don’t play that many to begin with, so that was easy.

            The hard bit was not reading, as I’m currently in the process of reading like 3 books (Yes, Brad, one of them is Imajica).  I’m not a quick reader, and even if I were, less than 2 hours of enjoyment-reading just seems like a waste.

            The experience wasn’t easy, but it wasn’t particularly hard.  I learned something I already knew, but is nice to learn and relearn from time to time.  Sitting in front of the TV vegging out, or doing any activity where you just unplug from society and day-to-day issues (yes, this includes logging on to the internet.  Virtual society only goes so far with regard to legitimate social interactions.  Also, physical activities, like being a constant gym bunny) isn’t healthy or cathartic.  It can be healing and rejuvenating to take a day, every so often (measured in months, not days or weeks) to just unplug, refresh, and just enjoy being unplugged.  However, it can also be an alluring trap you don’t even realize you’re stuck in until years, perhaps the majority of a lifetime have passed by.  Like Eddie Munster in the Phantom Tollbooth, stuck in the doldrums.  It can be relaxing to not have to care, not have to worry about your life, or the lives of others, just sit back and relax, forever.  You may even be able to convince yourself you ‘need’ it, that it’s good for you, but if you’re not careful?  It will swallow you whole.

Experience-"All Rise"

            Didn’t actually get to this one until today.  They don’t hold court everyday, so I kind of had to wait for them to hold the next trial.  There were three to choose from, two criminal (one of which I was too late for) and one civil.  I chose the civil, because it seemed like it’d be more interested (though I’m sure that’s just my personal preference).  The case was apparently the second in a potential series.  The Plaintiff (a satellite television company) sued a man for something regarding ‘cards’ used with their service.  The judge and lawyer didn’t go into great detail, having both already discussed the case previously, but I was able to glean from a combination of what they said, and my own personal knowledge that the man had been effectively stealing cable by altering access cards to the satellite network’s encrypted stream. Piracy.  The whole thing was cut a little short, however, by the fact the defendant didn’t show up to court.  I’m not sure why, it wasn’t really discussed.  I was impressed, however, with how professional everything still went, even with the lack of a defendant.  Honestly, I was impressed with the whole affair.

            Firstly, when I walk into the actual courtroom it’s just a beautifully designed room.  It’s an older building, as many courthouses are, or at least designed to appear, and had some simple, yet classy wood paneling along the walls.  There were high windows, and multiple chandeliers.  It was all very much like a movie set from some 1940s courtroom drama.  I kept expecting Jimmy Stewart to burst in demanding something or other.  However, unlike a movie from the 40s, the courtroom was also full of electronic equipment.  Several computer monitors sat on the desks of the defendant’s side, the plaintiff’s side, and the … whoever that woman who sits under the judge is (not the stenographer).  Additionally, there were little microscope like devices I can only assume are used to highlight specific paragraphs, sentences, words, and dates of individual documents in cooperation with all the monitors.  The combination of modern technology and old aesthetics was really, truly beautiful.

            Second, I was deeply impressed with the judge.  When the defendant didn’t show up, I half espected this to just be a case of “Oh, well, pretty much whatever the plaintiff wants then, since I guess Mr. Smith didn’t want to show up,” but it wasn’t in the slightest.  The judge actually argued over wording, making sure that this case would not determine any future rulings, both because of a lack of fairness to the defendant, as well as a concern for overstepping jurisdiction and setting a potentially disastrous precedent.

            I don’t know if justice was served, but it sure was fun to watch.

Experience-"Honor? Hah! He doesn't HAVE any 'honor'!"

            Rory has been married for more than twice the required time limit, and had a bit of difficulty remembering a time she had to defend her husbands ‘honor.’  Defend HIM, as a human being, both physically and emotionally, from both the world and himself, sure.  Not so much his honor.  We discussed how she had cut people out of her life in defense of his honor, people who at one point she regarded as family, but proved to be back stabbers, and betrayers.  One, a high school friend of hers, the other a man her husband regarded (and possibly still regards, in some aspects) as a younger brother.  Both, however, had taken information gleaned from their privileged vantage point over the couple’s lives to gossip, and betray.  Her husband took a fairly passive stance, perhaps too shocked from the betrayal to truly accept it, for whatever reason, but Rory made her stance firm.  She cut these people from her life, because she would not have her husband’s name dragged through the mud just because they felt it would help them advance their careers and/or personal lives.

            Perhaps more to the point, she mentioned a time before they were actually married, back when they were in high school together, when another girl came up to her and began to spin a number of tales about him.  She was basically trying to make sure Rory knew his had ‘a past’ and was with many women.  This was not news, they lived in a very small town, and Rory politely put the young woman in her place by stating not only did she know this, but she also knew he was faithful to her.  He may have slept around as an unattached bachelor, but he would not do that to a woman he actually loved.  Though here, I think she was defending herself as much as him, heh.

            The concept of “honor” is a somewhat foreign one in our modern times.  The definition of honor is “the evaluation of a person's social status as judged by that individual's community.”  The lines get blurred because we’re such a multicultural society, and within that we’re further divided by our multiple communities.  There’s the community we live in, the one we work in, our online community, etc., and each has its own set of rules, codes, and ideals one must live up to in order to be “honorable.”  Rory herself had a difficult with the concept, struggling to think of just what constituted “honor” and how one could defend another’s.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Virtual

Objective - Explore the inability to partake in moderation
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find a chat room online that is specifically for Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, or a similar organization, and participate in a discussion about the inability to partake in moderation and the outcomes of such behavior.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Vicarious

Objective - Explore the need for physical gluttony
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Talk to someone who is morbidly obese about their inability to control their eating habits. Then, talk to someone in the health care industry about the same. Discuss the differences in these viewpoints.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Social

Objective - Social butterfly
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Spend 2 hours on 2 different occasions divided among 3 separate locations (the time does not have to be divided equally among each location) where there are at least 30 or more people gathered. Strike up a conversation with at least 3 strangers at each location. Attempt to get contact information to talk, email, hangout, or otherwise interact with those people at a future time.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Spiritual

Objective - Over-indulgence
Duration - 5 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Attend a religious ceremony for at least five different religions.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Physical

Objective - The eating of delicacies
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Consume 10 raw oysters during a meal with others at a public place.

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Mental

Objective - Consumption to the point of waste
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Read "A Briefer History of Time" by Stephen Hawking and Leonard Miodinow. Explain some of the concepts (without referring to the book).

Assignment - Gluttony - Week 6 - Emotional

Objective - Catharsis
Duration - 6 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Watch three films in one sitting; "Dancer in the Dark", "Requiem for a Dream", and "Gods and Monsters". Discuss how these made you feel.

Experience-"No way!" "Uh, Yahweh!"

            Blurring the lines on this one, I decided to ask someone I have been talking to only a few months now (we play in an online game together, and have never met in person) rather than a total stranger.  Partly because it is kind of awkward to just start a random conversation about personal religious beliefs with a total stranger (I’ll work up to that, I’m sure), but also because I felt really lax in our budding friendship.  We only skirted the subject once before, she and I, and apparently I was completely wrong in my interpretation.

            I knew she was raised Catholic, but thought (as with all other Catholics I know, but am not related to) she was lapsed.  Apparently I was wrong.  Ana, her chosen name, actually still regularly attends Mass, and when she is unable to attend still does her daily readings.  She occasionally prays the rosary, tries to understand Church teachings, and to emulate Jesus; she does Lent and Ash Wednesday, and has met both Popes of her lifetime so far.

            Curious I further questioned if she ever questioned her faith, looked into others, and why exactly she found such comfort in the Catholic religion.  Ana responded that she had gone through a questioning period in her life, particularly when the major Church scandals broke out a few years ago, and she felt betrayed by the leadership.  Apparently her family is originally Orthodox, her mother being the first to be baptized Catholic, and she looked into that for a time—one of the draws to Catholicism for her is the ties to her family’s history.  However, when she went off to a Catholic College she met others who were passionate about their faith, and soon found her own rekindled.

            I find her story very interesting, as it’s similar to my own, but with a drastically different outcome.  I was raised in a bi-religious household (Christian and Jewish), and when I became a teenager began to question religion in general.  I searched various kinds, including Wicca, various Eastern religions, and a Judaism, to name a few.  I found that most religions held ridiculous tenants I simply couldn’t find the logic in, and were often used to justify acts of violent hate.  I became disillusioned, and decided I neither wanted, nor needed religion in my life—though I still consider myself a deeply spiritual person.

            Where Ana was able to find comfort and spiritual clarity, I only found distrust, disillusionment, and disgust.  I don’t think she’s wrong, or pass judgment on her for her beliefs, but I can’t claim to understand their appeal either.  And I’m okay with that.

Experience-"Spare the rod."

            I do not have children.  I do not particularly like children (even as a child myself).  I do not know that I ever want children—perhaps, we will see.  I do know I have to deal with children on a daily basis, however, and the way their parents choose to raise them, or NOT raise them does effect me, and society in general, so I do take an interest in the general practice of child rearing.  Which is not to say this project is superfluous or redundant to my life, because I actually rarely ask people-on-the-street their opinions on the matter; I prefer to consult the professionals (SUPERNANNY, FTW!).  Ahem, anyway…

            I took some liberties with this one, and posted the question to Facebook.  To be fair, I do not actually know everyone on my Facebook ‘friends list’ very well, or even at all (there are a couple friends of friends, and even just people who found me through shared interest groups).  The hypothetical was “How would you punish a child who intentionally puts gum in another child’s hair, the child is age 6”—I was specific because the infraction, intent, and age all matter in the type of discipline appropriate.  I got a few “Beat the shit out of the child” responses, but mostly from people who a) were not totally serious, and b) do not actually have kids.  One creative answer was to give the child a surprise haircut, because ‘kids seem to hate those.’  My favorite idea, however, is the idea to simply take the child aside (optional:  put them in ‘time out’), and then explain to them what they did wrong, and WHY it was wrong, followed up with an apology (again, SUPERNANNY!).

            One of my biggest complaints when getting punished when I was little—which was a truly rare occurrence—wanted to know why exactly I was being punished.  Why did it matter enough to send me to my room, put me in the corner, or give me a spanking.  In order for a child to rise to the level we expect them to be as adults, we have to treat them as such.  A person will raise or lower themselves to your expectations of them, especially when so young and impressionable.  My mother was not perfect, but she never treated me as simple, and I never acted such.  Children are amazingly versatile, and can be reasoned with if given a chance.

           

            As a personal aside:  I don’t believe in spanking.  I was spanked, not often, and I don’t think it damaged me terribly.  However, I do believe there are better ways.  I also find it interesting that a study was done which showed all the individuals who hid Jews from the Nazi’s during WWII were themselves never spanked.  I feel, in the long run spanking does more damage to a child than good.

Week 4- Catch Up! (Part 2)

So obviously, this was another week, used to catch up on assignments and posts. Patrick has expressed his commitment to this experiment, and will be completing future assignments and posts within the time allotted.

He will be paying more attention to the objective of each assignment for direction in his experience.

Also, to aid in reader comprehension, he will be including a link to each assignment posting at the beginning of each of his relevant posts.

Experience-Emotional Lust

Brad told me yesterday that he wouldn't be continuing on with this project if I didn't complete all my writings by Midnight, Saturday, January 30, 2011, as proof of my commitment to this project myself.  I didn't, but I went over just barely.  It remains to be seen whether he'll accept this or not.  This is the last post I have yet to do...

However, I'm not going to do it just yet.  Not because I don't want to continue on with this, but because this one is too important.  It through me because I thought I'd said all there was to say on this subject, I thought it was hashed out.  Apparently Brad feels differently, and I need to know why.  I'll do the assignment, and I'll write about it, but only in that order.

Experience-Mental Lust...SEXY BRAINS! (yeah, I'm tired...)

            I actually still fully intend to write this erotic short story.  The reason I did not was due partly to exhaustion, partly to the fact it is a huge undertaking, and I was already hella behind on my experiences (and still trying to catch up by actually DOING them at this point), and also partly to the fact my laptop power adapter decided to die.  It sucks, but there you have it.  I will not be giving away any plot points, or general overview of this one, because I do not know when I will finally have it ready, and I do not want to whet your appetites just yet.  I will tell you that it is based on mythology (a Greek inspired mythology of my own concoction, actually), and does not actually involve much fetish of my own interest.  The concept, however, was too enticing to pass up once the idea popped into my head.  And hey, the parameters merely stated erotic short story, not erotic short story you personally find arousing and titillating.

            I think Brad’s point with this one was to get me writing creatively again.  I know he wants me to get back in the habit of writing pretty much daily with these little blog posts, but this specific task required creativity, a work of imaginative fiction rather than an analytical dissection of real-life events.  What he may not realize is I actually kind of do this already.  Not on this level, and not like I should, but I do semi-regularly contribute to a few (much fewer now than once upon a time) online RPGs (not MMOs, mind you).  Text based games that are really more co-authored fan-fic than one typically thinks of classifying RPG.  I enjoy them greatly, and even occasionally create O.C.s (Original Characters), but it is not quite the same.

            The creative process in these games is collaborative, dealing with a shared play-space, and often times based in a ‘universe’ actually owned by some major company (not going to lie, kind of a total geek here) or at least established professional author.  It can be terrifying creating in this kind of space, because you have a standard to live up to.  However, you also have a crutch, an already established cannon that you know works (to one degree or another) because enough people enjoyed it to buy into it (movie tickets, book sales, etc), and now create games based on it.  When creating your own world?  It’s just you.  Your failures as well as successes are all on you, and that can be a terrifying though.

Experience-"Private Eyes Aren't Watching You!"

            This was another one I failed to complete even outside the allotted time frame.  Though not for lack of trying!  I added the fantasy of voyeurism to my profile on several sites, as well as posting brand new listings to places like craigslist, and actively pursuing a couple “we’re a couple” profiles on the sites I frequent.  None of the e-mails I sent out saying “Hey, would you be interested…” returned anything, favorable or not.  And nobody contacted me of their own volition after seeing my profile, either.  However, my Craigslist ad did yield some fruit.  I got about 4 hits, one bogus spam, one not looking for quite what I was, and two potentials.  Unfortunately, one fizzled out, and the other was waiting on his Girlfriend to return in a few weeks from some work conference (may still indulge in that one, they seemed like a fun couple!).  It really did not help that, for whatever reason, my Craigslist posting was flagged and removed after about 12 hours.

            I guess I could have gone and peered in some neighbor’s window or some such, but that is kind of sketch, and not really something up for doing.  Initially I think the problem was I mentioned I was doing this or a blog specifically, and even anonymously people get a bit antsy about such things.  It did not take long for me to realize it was kind of silly for me to divulge every single reason to complete strangers.  Especially since we take these risks through daily human interactions.  We do not own a patent or copyright on our interactions with others.  We do not get to dictate whether they later discuss these things as fact, or even use them to embellish fictional tales, especially when our identities are protected.  Some people would say it is wrong, and if I plan to write about my experiences I should tell people up front.  To them I say, bollocks.

            Again, I am not really sure what this one was SUPPOSED to teach me, maybe Brad just thought it would be funny.  Maybe I was supposed to learn that denying myself was something I should not do, and I should build confidence and actually go after what I want, rather than just sit there and watch it fuck someone else.  Not really sure.  Whatever the lesson, it sadly was not learned.  Perhaps another time.

Experience-" יֵצֶר לֵב הָאָדָם רַע "

            For those unfamiliar, the concept of Yetzer Hara is as follows:  “refers to the inclination to do evil, by violating the will of God. The Yetzer Hara is not a demonic force, but rather man's misuse of things the physical body needs to survive.”*  I.e. the human need to eat being taken to the extreme of gluttony, when one no longer NEEDS to eat, but simply does it for its own sake.

            I was actually really looking forward to this one.  Not because I am a religious individual, because I am not.  But I enjoy my Hebrew heritage, and actually have a desire to get back more in touch with it.  I even went through the oh-so-tiring burden of searching GOOGLE for a decent Temple near here, and found a really cool Reform Judaism (i.e. liberalist of liberal) Synagogue in town, with a FEMALE RABBI!  I still plan on attending High Hollies at some point there, and maybe even the occasional Friday Night service when I am in the mood.  For me it is far less about some archaic dogma than it is about a sense of community and shared history.  Plus, who knows?  Maybe I’ll find a nice Jewish Doctor to bring home to Mom and Dad, heh!

            The week I was supposed to be doing this the Rabbi was out on vacation, and then things got a … busy.  And I admit, I got a little lazy when I had free time.  Anyway, here is as good a place as a Rabbi’s office to discuss how Yetzer Hara affects my life.

            Well, for starters I can boredom eat.  I am better about it now, but it can still be something of a habit.  I can also turn the need to feel safe and protected into being callous, cold, and distant.  I am much better about this one too, but it can still be a damaging habit, and I have yet to truly break myself of it.

            I guess ultimately the goal of acknowledging Yetzer Hara boils down to the old adage “Everything in moderation.”  Sex, food, protection, they are all required to sustain life—one of the most holy tenants, btw—however, they can all become dangerous and detrimental if overindulged.  It’s all pretty much common sense, but it’d be interesting to sit down and discuss in a theological context.  Maybe I will eventually, we’ll see.

Assignment - Temperance - Virtual - Week 5

Objective - Reflection
Duration - 15 mins daily, preferably at the same time each day (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Sit in front of a mirror, with your eyes closed. Record a video (webcam) of your reflection in the mirror while you do this. Discuss what you see, and what you don't.

For reference: Wikipedia (particularly the last paragraph)

Assignment - Temperance - Vicarious - Week 5

Objective - Justice
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Goto court (traffic/civil/etc...) and observe the proceedings. Discuss how other people experienced justice.

Assignment - Temperance - Social - Week 5

Objective - Forgiveness
Duration - 15-30 mins (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Offer forgiveness to a stranger who has done wrong (but not wronged you).

Assignment - Temperance - Spiritual - Week 5

Objective - Constant mindfulness of others
Duration - 15-30 mins each (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Engage 5 strangers in a conversation about their religious beliefs.

Assignment - Temperance - Physical - Week 5

Objective - Practice self-control
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Do nothing that you enjoy (aside from sleeping) for longer than 30 mins each day.

Assignment - Temperance - Mental - Week 5

Objective - Learn the prudence to judge between actions
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Discuss with both someone who has a child and someone who doesn't how they would punish a child to prevent that child from repeating some offense. Weigh the two viewpoints against each other, and determine which is more appropriate.

Assignment - Temperance - Emotional - Week 5

Objective - Explore honor and monogamy
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find a couple who has been in a monogamous relationship for 10+ years and discuss with them how they have defended the honor of the person they love.

Experience-"No, I don't want no scrub!"

            This one went a bit better than the oral sex in a public place … well, depending on how you look at it.  Again, thanks to the internet (don’t you just love that thing?  I mean, seriously!) it was not too hard to find someone to help fulfill this request.  Oddly, it happened when I was not even really looking to fulfill it.  I just happened to be logged into one of my ‘hook-up’ sites, and this random guy messages me.  We get to talking, and he is apparently a ‘dom top’ or whatever from England.  It is all going swell until he mentions taking control of every aspect of my life, more specifically, the fiscal aspects of my life.  Like, seriously.  He specifically mentioned fiscal!  What the fuck?  I basically told him he could go fuck himself, I was not about to pay him money, and he changed his tune pretty quick.  Supposedly all he wanted was some kind of proof of what I was willing to put in the effort and submit.  I figure he is probably full of shit (especially considering he’s talking about making me the head of his stable, and we’d literally JUST met, and met online at that!), but whatever.  I can use him to at least accomplish my own goals.

            So I agree to webcam for him, to prove my devotion.  He has me get salt, a shoelace, a lighter and a candle.  I will not go into all the details (some of which were marginally better than I expected), but I will divulge my favorite part.  The last thing he demands of me to do is to run outside and chase a down a neighborhood cat like I was a dog.  I agree, and go off screen.  So I go off screen, pet the cats, make a peanut butter and jelly, sit on the couch for a few minutes and enjoy my food, then head back into the room.  Lying, he seems satisfied that I am devoted enough to follow such a humiliating command, and resigns me from service for the evening.  I play my part, and haven’t spoken to him since.

            I’m not really sure what this specific experience was supposed to teach me.  Maybe that it’s okay to let my freak flag fly (which I already knew), or maybe to just get me out of my box a little, I’m not really certain.  All I know is it simply illustrated the fact I can be kind of a selfish, manipulative bitch, especially when you try and play me.  Normally, I care enough about other people not to just straight up use them.  But honey, you gonna try and use me first, and disrespect my intellect as to assume I wouldn’t notice, or worse assume I’m so sad I’d actually PAY you?  Aw, hell no.  Thanks for helping me fulfill MY needs, and enjoy those vacations to exotic locations paid for by men who aren’t me.

Experience-"Me Love You Short Time"

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Experience-Even Jesus only had 12!

            Yeah, that didn’t happen.  I will admit to failing greatly on this one, mostly because I did not push it hard enough.  I probably could have got 25 followers easy if I had posted my link to facebook, but that would have seriously cramped the ‘anonymous’ thing.  Then again, I know all of my current followers, but still.  I have a lot of family members on my facebook, and not all of them (most of them, really) would approve of this particular ‘experiment.’

            It also does not help that I am a pretty passive internet presence.  I do not actively participate in a ton of blogs and/or forums anymore.  There was a time I did, however, and it would have been simple to just throw the link in my ‘signature’ with a note saying ‘follow me’ and get at least a few curious stray clicks.  I do not really do that any more though.  Partly because I do not want to spend my time sitting around chatting with people online who I mostly do not know, and mostly do not give a crap about, but also because internet discourse is fairly bland, and flat.  As I mentioned in a previous post, people are also callous and cruel online, for no greater reason than they can be.  This is not to say I become emotionally distraught when someone online is nasty, I really could not care less most of the time.  However, it is a nuisance, and one I have grown sick of dealing with (i.e. trolls, flamers, /b/tards [even just their name is itself offensive], etc).  Honestly, they only reason I am even bothering with my own bog is because it was a condition of the experiment in which I had genuine interest.

            All that b.s. aside, I could have made more of an effort.  Google searched for similar things, especially on “Blogspot” and posted comments “Ooh, I like your blog, you should check mine out!”  It is disingenuous crap, but it would get the job done (to some degree).  Would I like to have 25 followers?  Sure, but if we’re being honest, I don’t think my blog is quite ready for that much of a following.  I haven’t got into the rhythm just yet, and I’m (clearly) failing to complete all objectives.  Maybe in a month or two I’ll be interesting enough to warrant it, but right now … I’m happy with the ones I’ve got.

Experience-"Everyone Says, 'I Loathe You!'"

            So as it turns out, I don’t actually know many couples in a committed relationship.  Or couples in general.  Like, next to none, honestly.  I honestly don’t know that many PEOPLE in general, really.  But whatever, we make do with what we’ve got, don’t we?

            This probably explains my general outlook on relationships.  I don’t date.  I’ve never ‘dated,’ or been in a romantic relationship with anyone.  I’ve been on exactly one date in my life, and it was … a little awkward, but mostly painless.  However, it was also rather underwhelming—and I don’t fault the other party in this, we just weren’t clicking.  The point being, I’ve not really had much experience with happy, healthy relationships.  Most of the couples in my life have either split dramatically, or continued on unhealthily, and quite often co-dependently.  My best friend just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship he—at the time—thought might be one to stand the test of time, and other Hallmark sentiments; friends from high school who married young have fought, threatened divorce, but ultimately decided to stay together for whatever reason; elder family members (aunts, uncles, etc.) have either gotten divorced to remarry someone basically the same (but better at concealing their activities) as the manipulative people they were originally married to, or stayed in a physically, emotionally, and verbally abusive marriage for no greater reason than ‘god doesn’t believe in divorce;’ There’s really one marriage of people I’m somewhat close to (though not geographically) which seems to be working, and even that had a really ugly phase.  I’m not saying I don’t believe in love, or that I think it’s impossible to have a healthy relationship, or even marriage.  I just don’t think most people are actually capable of it—and I definitely include myself amongst that number.  Especially when they go out looking for it.

            If by some unholy chance I happen to fall in love, and the person actually loves me back, I’ll let it happen (or at least try to).  I just don’t want to go chasing it.  I don’t want to be one of those people who thinks they HAVE to have someone in order to be complete.  ‘Cause if you aren’t a complete person, from what I’ve witnessed?  There’s no chance of you having a healthy, successful relationship (see:  co-dependant). I’m not running away from the possibility, but I don’t think I’m there yet either.

Experience-Virtual Chastity

                This … this one was a bit hard to wrap my head around.  Even after brad explained the general concept to me, it was still a bit tricky.  Basically, the idea was to observe someone who isn’t quite themselves online, i.e. virtual reality, or at least not the self they claim to be (or more accurately, we experience them as) in day-to-day ‘actual’ reality.  Now, numerous studies have been done on the subject, and revealed a startling trend.  Most people online will actually say and do things they would never be caught doing in actual reality.  The rules of morality are somehow more flexible online.  Due to anonymity (or as I like to think of it, The Invisible Man Effect), people don’t feel as strictly bound by a generally agreed upon code of conduct (i.e. common courtesy).  They also don’t feel as empathetic towards others due to the dehumanizing nature of the internet.  We have no face, no vocal inflection, no pheromones to communicate with.  Only pure thought, in two-dimensional words.

                Take Brad, for instance.  Brad and I actually met online, and we have since become good friends.  Brad, however, is a dick online (and to varying degrees in real life, but I digress), to the point I almost didn’t actually go to hang out with him that first night we were chatting.  I did, and wound up really enjoying our interactions, and saw other sides to him.  His online persona is a mere fraction of his real-life one, and one he rarely comes close to emulating during face-to-face interactions.  Where he would tell someone online to fuck off, he would perhaps try and make peace or come to some understanding face to face.  And to varying degrees, this is something we all do.

                I find I can be more assertive and domineering online, whereas away from the computer I generally give way or make more generous concessions.  On sites (forums and such) where one uses an avatar as their “face,” it’s like wearing a mask.  Even on social media such as facebook, MySpace, etc. where (presumably) one uses their own images as identifiers, there’s less pressure of “is this person gonna like me,”  “Will they think that comment was funny,” “Did I remember to brush my teeth?”  Because even if they don’t, or you weren’t, or you didn’t, it’s not ‘real,’ so it ultimately doesn’t matter.

                Unfortunately, it is real, and it does matter.  Words, even online words, can hurt deeply, and result in some very serious ‘real life’ consequences.

Week 3 - Catch Up!

Due to an unfortunate bout of illness which Patrick had during the first week of this experiment, as well as his adjustment (or lack thereof) to the amount of writing required, week 3 has been set aside for him to catch up on his assignments for the first two weeks. New assignments will commence with week 4.

Experience - "As your body grows bigger, your mind grows flowered..."

            Amidst the whir of industrial dryers, an urban symphony in the background, I sat down at the local Laundr-O-Mat/Gas-N-Go—across the street from the local bakery which supplies semi-free wifi—and began to fiddle around.  No stranger to the blogosphere (MySpace, Livejournal, InsaneJournal, etc), confidence levels ran high going in to this particular project.  Blog layouts vary minimally from host site to host site, with levels of professionalism and customizability (it’s a word…maybe) the only somewhat-large difference.  And how did Blogspot compare?  Favorably.

            The user-interface is incredibly simple.  There isn’t even a need for basic HTML skills (which I do posses).  The entire system is designed to be visually manipulated.  Prospective changes are seen instantaneously, and any would-be confusion can quickly be cleared up with a brief trip to your local FAQ.  So I continued to fiddle about, HTML or not, first choosing an appropriate, attractive layout, then adding gadgets, moving gadgets, considering adding a revenue stream (google ads), changing fonts, colors and size of headers, body text, titles, and time stamps, deciding against adding a revenue stream, background colors, images, and so forth.  Finally, it was all coming together.  It was basic.  Pretty, but basic.  Dragging the cursor over to “Apply to Blog” I clicked down.  Again.  A double click.  Triple click.  And finally, defeat.  Sadly, the local bakery across the street sets a 20 minute limit on free internet access per day.  I had timed out.

            Still, the point of the exercise was accomplished.  I learned how to edit the layout and design template of the blog.  I had educated myself!  Emboldened by this new knowledge, empowered by my humble-yet-growing band of ‘followers,’ and invigorated by my nigh godlike control over my own blog, and thus their own experience of it I vowed to continue these modifications.

            Though Blogspot doesn’t require an understanding of HTML, it does allow for HTML modifications.  I look forward to altering and modifying the layouts I have with perhaps my own background images, custom polls, video and who knows what else.  This exercise has made me fairly confident this blog will be an ever growing, expanding, shifting creation.  Not only in the addition of new weekly assignments and writings, but in the layout and style.  It will evolve with me, not force me to conform to its rigid or limited forms of expression.  I hope you all reading this look forward to seeing what may come as much as I.

Experience - Spiritual Chastity - Week 1

Lies are a part of our daily life. We tell them without thinking about it, without remorse or guilt. And for those of you who think you aren’t liars, “When asked the question ‘are you a liar?’ nearly 97% of people answer ‘no’. When the remaining 3% (self-confessed liars) are subjected to questions calibrating their real, rather than perceived honesty, they turn out to be, on average, 28 times more honest than the people who claimed they never lied.”* The only way to be truly honest is to admit you’re a liar. Now, it’s not a bad thing, per se. It’s just a fact of life. We lie. We bold face lie, little white lie, lie of omission, and a myriad of other definitions for the same basic concept of un-truth. We lie to each other, our families, friends, employers and total strangers, and to ourselves—which is perhaps the most dangerous of all. Because we lie to ourselves, it can be difficult to gauge whether we’re actually telling the truth. Which is why going into this I just want to state, I truthfully can’t say whether or not I was honest. I can’t say with 100% certainty I fulfilled this assignment. All I can say is, I tried to the very best of my ability not to intentionally lie, mislead, or otherwise be dishonest or untruthful.

I regard myself as a very honest person. Which isn’t to say I’m a ‘bad liar,’ I lie with great ease and subtlety, but I’m generally pretty open and honest about it. I also do, honestly try not to lie for the soul purpose of hurting another individual, and recognize I am a terrible hypocrite for despising when others (try to) lie to me. One of my most common lies is the simple “You’re fine.” I say it as reflex, without even considering for a moment the full meaning of my words. “Oh, you’re fine. I didn’t mind coming in to work when you didn’t really need me while I was very, very ill,” “oh, you’re fine. I didn’t actually need to set down this heavy tray. Please, go ahead and take all the time you need to jump in front of me with your one salad bowl and tongs,” or “oh, you’re fine. I didn’t mind waiting out in the cold for an extra half hour while you were picking up other customers, even though I booked this cab for a specific time.” What I’m really saying when I lie “You’re fine,” is “I’m worth less.” “I’m worth less than you,” “I deserve to be ignored and treated poorly,” “I don’t deserve to actually take up space.” This is a learned response, a lie I tell myself and the world, and one I very desperately need to break.

I’ll have to stop here, or risk running over my word limit. I could honestly write pages on the subject. Just know, I have learned from this reflection, and hope to grow in response.

*Taken from Answers.com (http://wiki.answers.com/Q/What_are_some_statistics_on_lying)

Experience - Emotional Chastity - Week 1

            I didn’t actually do this one.  I started to, I tried to, but I couldn’t.  And ultimately I’ve just decided I’m not going to.  I won’t go into the reasons why here, beyond the fact that I’m not willing to post stuff about my family.  Yes, this is ‘anonymous,’ but in the information age NOTHING is genuinely anonymous.  Not really.  I agreed to this experiment, myself.  Not them.  I will, however, describe what exactly DID happen when I initially attempted this task.

            This first week I was sicker than I can ever remember being, or at least for the longest duration of time I can ever remember it taking for me to get better.  I was literally in bed from 4pm Tuesday evening until about 10-11 am Thursday morning, and then fluctuated between feeling like I was getting better, and feeling like I was getting worse until I went to see the doctor around the start of this (the second) week.  I finally got some antibiotics to take care of the sinusitis aspect, a condition left over from the Flu he felt I had initially been suffering.  I didn’t start I genuinely feel truly better until the around Tuesday of the second week.

            Of course, about this time is when one of our cats (my roommate and I have a pair of cats, Buff and Blacky), Buff decided he needed to develop crystals in his urethra.  But that’s neither here, nor there, just another stressor thrown at me so far in this New Year.  Side note:  He seems to be doing fine now, yay!

            Anyway, before I went in to the doctor I actually called my father.  I had every intention of at least attempting this assignment, but when he got on the phone we just started talking about how I was sick.  He was concerned by the fact I was STILL sick, and we proceeded to have a fairly long conversation about my condition.  It was refreshing, and I didn’t want to ruin it by hashing things out right then and there.  I felt it would be tacky and inappropriate at the time.  So I chose to just let the conversation be what it was, rather than try and force it into something I thought it should be.  A decision I don’t regret.

            I realized pretty immediately afterwards that making this part of my project, dragging my family in to this without their consent or knowledge wasn’t something I was comfortable with.  And even if…when I do eventually have that conversation, it will be on my terms, and not open for public consumption.

Experience - Social Chastity - Week 1

This has been by far, the single most difficult of all the challenges. Well, perhaps difficult is not the right word, considering I actually managed to adhere to this one. But it IS the most annoying. Going into this one I was confident I would be able to stick-to-it without much adversity, just minor annoyance at the fact I was not able to warn my friends with whom I communicate exclusively online that I would no longer be on (for a week, anyway), or why. However, facebook and IM proved much stronger a pull on me than I had expected.

Even on the first night, I had to repeatedly remind myself NOT to log into facebook or Trillian. In my typical habit, I will log straight into Trillian after turning on the computer (or simply have it running all day if I’m running various other programs on the computer anyway), and then go to facebook to check for my friends’ status updates—though sidebar, I will confess not having to see constant updates about peoples podling hellspawn was a nice side-effect of this whole endeavored. I’m not saying I ‘hate’ children; I just don’t care enough about yours to be stoked every time I see they are taking a nap. I probably barely care enough about YOU to care if you are taking a nap. But I’m rambling—which is a quick, easy way I like to keep in touch with casual acquaintances, friends from high school, etc. You do not have to invest a lot of time or effort into it, but it can still be fun to drop the occasional one liner, or “hey, how’ve you been” every month or so. Not being able to IM was the worse, however.

I use Instant Message to talk with … well, pretty much everyone (including Brad). I may actually chat more than I text (which is saying something). It’s quick, it’s easy, it’s to the point, and I don’t have to have awkward phone conversations. When there’s a long silence on IM, it’s cool. Maybe they went to get a drink of water or something. You aren’t left sitting there wondering why it’s suddenly gone so quiet. Also, you can have a quick chat while doing other things (checking your bank account, looking at porn, ordering more books off amazon, etc—the second of which is SUPER awkward to try and do while actually talking with someone, fyi).

To bring this Sudafed/Dayquil induced rambling to a close, what I learned from all this is I’m an addict. I’m addicted to text based communications technology. And while that’s a nifty thing to have, it can actually break down ones ability to converse with another human being on a basic fucking level—and I freely admit, it’s a lot easier, and less intimidating to chat with someone online, than it is face-to-face.

Experience - Physical Chastity - Week 1

Next to the ‘Social’ assignment, this one was the most difficult, and I pretty well failed it fantastically. Not because I’m some raging lush or something, but because there is caffeine or alcohol in one form or another in SO many things—especially when you are sick, as I have been pretty much this entire week. Monday night alone, when I was just starting to feel ill at Brad’s house, I decided to try drinking a Dr. Enuf (hoping that would settle my stomach). Turns out? Dr. Enuf has caffeine in the ingredients. I did dump it out once I realized this, but I had already drunk most of the bottle.

Then there is the medication I have been taking. Most of it is in pill form, and all of it is over-the-counter—though I am not sure if medication alone qualifies as an intoxicant, and even if it does, fuck that. I feel like crap, and I am taking the damn pills! Anyway, pills aside, certain medicines (like night-time cough syrup) have alcohol in them. It is minimal, only about 10%, but still…rules are rules. And honestly, considering how terrible I am STILL feeling after almost a full week, I do not even know if it was worth breaking them. However, to pretend my illness was the only reason I broke the rules would be frankly, a lie.

While at Brad’s apartment Monday night, I forgot about the prohibition on alcohol for this week, and when offered—rather forcefully—some wine, I accepted. It was only a glass, and it was not exceptionally high in alcoholic content (or exceptionally good), but it was still wine. It was not until later that night I remembered, but it was too late. Beyond that one glass, however, and the cough medicine, I have done remarkably well to keep with the rules. I do not exactly start each day off with a Mimosa, but I do enjoy more than one glass of wine a week, on average, and the odd beer and hard liquor.

I guess what I have learned from all this is, even if one is not an alcoholic, or drug abuser, we are still, as a people inundated with intoxicants. Caffeine especially seems to find its way into places it has no business being, and alcohol (especially for those of legal drinking age) barely makes a blip on the radar.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Physical

Objective - New sexual experience
Duration - As long as it takes (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Perform anonymous oral sex in a public place (bathroom, rest area, etc...)

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Vicarious

Objective - Craving for carnal pleasure
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Watch someone having sex (with another person, in real life) but *DO NOT* participate.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Virtual

Objective - Assume a self-indulgent character
Duration - 2 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Find someone to order you to perform sexual acts upon yourself on webcam. Do anything and everything they tell you.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Social

Objective - Accumulation of false affection
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Get at least 25 people to follow this blog.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Spiritual

Objective - Yetzer Hara
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Discuss the concept of Yetzer Hara with a rabbi and how it applies to your life.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Mental

Objective - Embrace sexual thoughts
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Write a pornographic short story.

Assignment - Lust - Week 2 - Emotional

Objective - Excessive love of others
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Admit to someone that you have had an unrequited crush upon them (which negatively impacted your life in some manner) and discuss the resulting experience.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Vicarious

Objective - Practice romantic friendship
Duration - 4 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Observe two individuals in a committed relationship.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Social

Objective - Refrain from distractions
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Other than this blog, do not communicate with anyone, for any reason, online.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Spiritual

Objective - Embracing moral wholesomeness
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Do not tell a lie in any form or fashion.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Physical

Objective - Cleanliness maintained by refraining from intoxicants.
Duration - 7 days (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Consume no alcohol or other substances (including illegal drugs, caffeine, nicotine, etc...)

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Mental

Objective - Purity of thought through education.
Duration - 4 hours (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Graphically redesign this blog to reflect you expectations of the upcoming year and generally familiarize yourself with all Blogspot functionality.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Emotional

Objective - Honesty with one's family.
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Have a meaningful and interactive conversation with your father regarding the relationship (or lack thereof) that you have with him.

Assignment - Chastity - Week 1 - Virtual

Objective - Refrain from temptation
Duration - 1 hour (7 days to complete)
Assignment - Comment upon someone you know who skirts the strictest rules of temptation (online), but only slightly.